Stop Playing Small: Embrace Your Greatness NOW

Key Takeaways

The difference between you hating and loving your life is perspective. As Marcus Aurelius said, the impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way. That negative situation that you're facing right now will define you. Either you succumb to it and you hate your life forever or you rise above it and it becomes the greatest blessing of all time. The choice is yours and I'm going to show you how to conquer it. So you may have noticed that I have this armband on. This really colorful armband. What's the story? I have this on as a reminder to stay in a beautiful state. It's a reminder to myself every day. Now naturally, I'm pretty optimistic and happy and positive and I've trained and worked on myself to be even more optimistic and happy and positive and consume things that make me even more happy and optimistic and positive. But there's still sometimes that I feel negative. There's still sometimes that I'm not proud of myself. The classic example for me is when I get interrupted. If I'm working on something and I'm in the zone and I'm focused and I'm building momentum and somebody interrupts me, I can be really short. I can be really rude. I'm not going to say anything offensive or something that I would regret, but I could be short and rude. I want to change that. I don't want anything to knock me out of my beautiful state. At least that's my ambition. That's my intention. That's my goal. If I can get closer to it, I'll be pumped. It's the perspective shift. And so part of my daily routine is I put this on. I don't sleep with this on. At night I'll take it off and then part of my morning routine is I'll put this on and it's a reminder as I put it on that I want to stay in a beautiful state today. I might get interrupted, but I want to be proud of how I deal with it. And then I look at it every day. It's hard not to, right? It's not just some little tiny wristband. It's giant and it's colorful and it stands out and it's a reminder every day. It's also something that when I'm talking to people, they'll ask me about it because it's a conversation piece. Why am I doing it? Right? People are curious. They want to know. And so every time somebody asks me about it, it's a chance to tell the story again and in telling that story, even now as I'm telling this story, it reinforces for me. This is why I have it on. This is why I'm doing what I'm doing. And so having some kind of trigger that brings it up, it really works for me. I think it could work for you as well. Rule number two, prop your guandao. George Bernard Shaw famously said, "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." The entrepreneurs who win are the unreasonable women and men who are trying to make a difference. You're different. You don't fit in. Stop trying to. Instead, make the world adapt to you. I want to tell you a story about Guan Yu and his guandao. Let me get my prop. So this is a heavy statue made of bronze. Let's hope my desk doesn't collapse from this. We good? Can we see? Okay, good. This is Guan Yu. Guan Yu is a legendary Chinese general, god of war and he was a huge man in Chinese history. He was huge by by stature, giant. He was bigger than everybody else that he was fighting against. So when he was getting started in fighting, when people gave him a regular sword or staff or spear, it was so light for him. It was too easy for him because he was such a giant beast of a man. And so instead of just taking the tools that everybody else was using, he made his own weapon called the guandao. It's this It's this crazy thing right here. It's this crazy, you know, staff with a giant blade on the end of it. Guandao. Nobody else could lift this thing because it was so heavy. But he had it crafted for him because he could lift it and it made him even more powerful than everybody else because he had this giant weapon that he was using in all of his fights. That's what I think entrepreneurs need to do. That's what you need to do. You are a genius. You are Michael Jordan at something. You are Guan Yu at something. The greatest fighter in China at the time, right? That's you at something. And for you to win, you need to have your own guandao. You need to craft your weapon, craft your business, craft your habits, craft the activities, craft the people around you so that you can leverage what you're naturally great at. I make videos, right? I love having my own message. I love DJing content. It's what I love doing. I can make four videos a day across my channels because I have a team of people who help create all of this stuff. If it was just me doing everything, I would not be making the content that I am. I built the business around me, what I'm great at, what I love doing, what I want to continue to excel and improve at. You need to find the same thing for you. You are a Guan Yu. You are a Michael Jordan. It's time to embrace that and then create something that hasn't been created before. That's what entrepreneurs are doing. Create your guandao to let you do what you're so good at at an even higher level. Rule number three, don't stay in mediocrity. If you are the most ambitious person that you know, you are going to play small for life. Look around at your friends, your family, the people that you hang out with. What do they want out of life? If you're the one always pushing them and no one's pushing you, guess what happens. You don't get the push that you need and you stay in mediocrity being the best in a group of unambitious people. So I just came back from an event in Florida that I was doing a keynote at and at the end, I challenged an entrepreneur who showed up to make some changes on his YouTube channel. We met over dinner. I helped him with his YouTube channel. It was him and his business partner sitting there and I said, "By tomorrow, here's what I want you to do. I want you to go in and make sure you have these things updated." And he said, "Yes, I'll do it." I said, "It's important to do it by tomorrow because I'm still here. I'm still here in the morning. If you need anything, you can ask me face-to-face while I'm still here before I fly home to Toronto." "Yes, I'll do it." Next morning comes around. We show up in a meeting. I got a meet up happening. We got, I don't know, 30 people who showed up to to meet with me and I see him out of the corner of my eye sitting at the back of the room and I say, "Hey, did you do the thing that I told you to do?" He said, "No, I didn't do it." I said, "Why? What happened?" He said, "Well, we we we were doing lots of other stuff. It's been a full day. You know, we had this entire day of of speaking and and meeting people and then so much information went home. We were doing all this kind of work." "Okay, great. But what about the promise that you made to me to do it?" And then his business partner chimes in and said, "You know what? It's actually my fault. I told him Evan's probably not going to notice. He's not going to remember. Don't worry about it. We'll take care of it when we all fly back home." And so I told him, "Don't let your business partner's low standards prevent you from moving forward on the things that you said you were going to do. Stay in committed to the thing that you say you're going to do. Your word to yourself is the whole game. Forget about what you just say to other people. What do you do for yourself? Because we're often looking for notes. We're often looking for somebody else to give us a break. Right? He's been working hard and and he is and I know him and I know his business partner and these guys are not slackers. They're not slackers. And and I was poking a little bit at his business partner saying his low expectations, his low standards. But in this situation, it was true. Like entrepreneur that I was speaking to said he was going to do this thing by tomorrow morning before he came and went to my event. He would do it. And his business partner says he's not going to remember. Don't worry. We've worked too hard already. Let it go. We'll do it when we get home. And they would do it when they got home. I know they would. He's looking for the reason not to do it. When you say you want to hit the gym, when you say you want to hit these business goals, when you say you want to have this outcome and be proud of the effort that you put in every day. When you say that you're going to do something, there will be moments where you want to let yourself off the hook. Where you say, "I worked so hard. I'm so tired. I deserve a break." Right? This is the language you use to yourself. And so when that happens, you're looking for affirmations from the people around you. And if you are the most ambitious person in your friend group, if you are the most ambitious person, what's going to happen? They're going to say, "You already worked so hard anyway. What are you talking about? Yes, of course. Give yourself the break." And it's the exact answer that you're looking for cuz you want to give yourself a break. Now, if you're proud of your effort, maybe you should take a break. But it's not because somebody with lower standards gave you the pass. It's because you're proud of the effort that you put in. And so this is where it gets really dangerous. When you are the most successful, the most ambitious person from the people around you, they're always going to give you a reason to play smaller. You can't accept it. You have to push through. You need to change your environment. Rule number four, start for free. The free leads you to the paid. If you have no momentum, no traction, no clients, then start for free. Prove your worth and build momentum. Give them something they can't wait to have again and pay for this time. The goal isn't to do free forever, but the free gives you the thing that you're missing the most, which is momentum in your business. So I'm pre-launching my book right now, Built to Serve, and people who buy the book in pre-order also get access to my private Facebook group where I help people one-on-one every week. And so the guy that I had on last week is a coach. He's a health coach. He wants to help people make transformations to their health cuz he made a radical shift in his health as well. And I said, "Great. Well, how are you doing right now?" "Well, I have a couple clients, but I'm still working at a restaurant. I want to be able to leave that so I can focus on this full-time." Awesome. If you're a coach, what I need to see you is coaching. I need to see you coaching people. What I'd love to see now is an Instagram live regular show. And what do you do on your Instagram live? You bring on people who need help being coached through a health transformation. Because it's one thing to say I'm a coach and I help people get these results. It's another though to actually see people change. To have you go live with them one-on-one and help them bust through their limiting beliefs and their mindset and the issues that they're they're dealing with and then they come out on the other side by the end of the call feeling hope, feeling invigorated, feeling inspired because people will watch that and say, "Man, I want a result like that." They see themselves in the a that you're helping and they then want it for themselves. Now, you'll get two versions. One will be free people. One would be like, "Can you do me? I'll take it for free." Which is great. Don't say no. Don't get discouraged. Don't get upset. You want the free. Because the free gives you the content. And so, if they're willing to come on and do live on Instagram with you for free, then you do it. And there'll be other people who say, "Hey, I love what you're doing. I need a radical transformation in my health as well, but I don't want to be on Instagram. I don't want to make it public. Can I Can I hire you privately?" Bingo, right? That's what we're looking for. That's when you start getting paid. The free leads to the paid. If you want to have more confidence and motivations, check out our 254 series. The link is in the description below. And what you need to do is inoculate yourself against the judgment and learn to take action on your ideas because the alternative is a life filled with regret. It's got to be your life's work. If you only had to write one book ever in your life, this is it, and it's got to be amazing. Find whatever the smallest first step is, and then the smallest next step is, and continue to build those steps. And when you look back, you'll have realized that you made some pretty significant progress. Rule number five, focus on the right thing. One of my favorite quotes of all time is whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. It's usually attributed to Henry Ford. From all of the videos that I've made, all of the successful people that I profiled from industry titans to monks, one of the things that they all have in common is the ability to focus on the things that they can do to improve their situation. There are a million reasons why your idea will not work out, and eight while it will. Successful people focus on the eight reasons why it will succeed, and unsuccessful people focus on the million reasons why it won't. So, it's time to decide which one are you. Rule number six, stop making excuses. Smart people come up with really smart reasons why you can't do something. And it's true. There are a million reasons why you will not win. A million reasons. But there are eight reasons why you will. And you have a choice. This is an important choice. You have to decide. Are you going to focus on the million reasons why you are not going to win, or on the eight why you will? So, let's talk about being an introvert. I'm an introvert. I still am an introvert. I own my introvertedness. That often doesn't come across. You may not believe me. You might see these videos and think, "Evan is so extroverted, type A personality." I'm not. I I get nervous in big rooms. I don't like hanging out with strangers. I never talk to the people next to me on flights or the train or anything. I don't go up and say hi and introduce myself. I hate all that stuff. I hate small talks. I I have zero need to be around people. If it's just me and my wife, I'm happy. I have zero need for for contact to fill my my social equation, whatever you want to call it. I'm an introvert. I still am. But I I use it as a positive. Where it used to be really strong negative, I used to get into a fight all the time with my agent, and he said, "The problem with you, Evan, is you don't want to be famous." It's like, "You're right. I don't I don't need to be famous. I don't need the spotlight. I don't want the spotlight." And it finally sunk in that in order for me to get my message out there, the more known I am, the more people will hear the message. And so, how does an introvert become famous? Well, we'll see. Join me on my journey. We're on this We're in this together. We'll find out together. But the thing that gets me through all of it is one, going in on the strength, and and turning that introvertedness into not an excuse, but into something that's empowering. I think as introverts, we listen better. I just came back from an event in Florida where somebody at the dinner table was saying, "Evan, it's really surprising how well you listen." Like, yeah, cuz that's all That's all I do. I focus on the person I'm talking to. I'm an introvert. It's not about me talking. It's about you trying to get a result. I want to help you get a result. And so, introverts are fantastic listeners. And so, you actually want to help people make a change? You want to help be a great salesperson? You want to help be a great speaker? You have to know your audience. You got to know who you're talking to. You got to be a great listener. And I think that counts as being introverted. And the second thing is having the passion and the purpose behind what you're doing gives you the strength and courage to do things that are scary. Getting up on stage and speaking is scary for me. My biggest fear is is letting people down. My biggest fear is I'm going to disappoint somebody. And so, when I go on stage, there's always a fear in the back of my head is that I'm going to disappoint these people, that they're not going to feel like they got their money's worth. When I did my tour earlier this year, that was my biggest fear is every four days I'd be taking a new stage in a new city, and I would just let people down. And I got to face that fear every day every four days. Why? Because the purpose It means something. And so, yes, you might be introvert. Yes, you might have a whole bunch of reasons why you can't win. But the people who win the Look at your heroes. Look at you Look at the people who you love and you look up to. Look at who you respect. Look at who you want to be be like. Look at their story. Look at where they came from. Chances are they came from a worse spot than what you currently have right now. The opportunities, the resources, the connections they had was worse than what you currently have at your disposal right now. The only difference between them and most people is they focus on the eight reasons why they could win, and most people focus on the million reasons why they're going to lose. Rule number seven, don't tie yourself worth to winning. You're afraid of experimenting because you tie yourself worth to winning instead of trying. If you base yourself worth off how much you win, then you're only going to try things that you have a good chance of winning at. Thus, you play small for life. But instead, if you base yourself worth on trying, on the effort that you're putting in, you will fail on most days, but you'll end up accomplishing more than you ever thought was possible. So, every time I go to a YouTube event, I'm always being praised by my thumbnails. People always say, "Evan's got the best thumbnails. Go look at his thumbnails. Model his thumbnails. Use them as an example for the best practice." And I I internally am always saying, "Our thumbnails suck. We need to get better. Sure, we might be among the best, but we need to get better. We could be way better than we are right now." Why have we become the best? Because I'm experimenting constantly. Most of my tests do not work. I use a tool called TubeBuddy. Shout out TubeBuddy, huge fan. We've done over 1,100 split tests on our thumbnails, where we run one thumbnail against another, and one against another, and one against another, trying to beat our best. And most of the experiments don't work. They just don't work. I recently ran an experiment of on my main channel putting my face on a thumbnail with the YouTube white border against Tony Robbins. And it tanked. It was like 80% worse than our current thumbnail. And that's okay. People don't like my face next to Tony Robbins. That That is okay. I'm fine with it. I expect to lose. I expect everything I do not to work. But I'm willing to test it to see. I just recently came up with one thumbnail design where I made the background purple instead of black. Purple instead of black. And it actually did better. It did significantly better. And so, now I'm testing it out on five more thumbnails to see does the purple one do better than the black one. If that works out, maybe I roll it out across the entire channel. But it's very rare that I find a win. Out of the 1,100 experiments that we've done, most of them will not work, will never work. Even from the beginning, I'm thinking this is probably not going to work, but I'm willing to test. That's okay. Even if the most likely outcome is failure, it's worth the test to see. Rule number eight, make proper decisions. You need to make the big decisions in life with your heart, and the small ones with the head. Big decisions with the heart, small ones with your head. Why? Because your head only understands a world that currently exists. It's logical. It's practical. It keeps you safe. But your heart can create something new that hasn't existed before. It's why the number one rule for success is follow your passion. All progress depends on what your heart tells you to do, and then you use your head to figure out how to execute it. So, I just got back from an event that I was keynoting in Florida, and I was meeting these two entrepreneurs and helping them with their YouTube channel. And one of them is a really logical, head-first guy, and the other one is a more heart-based, passionate guy. And they were They were asking me So, that they're partners in the same business, and they're asking me, "What's more important, logic or emotion?" Logic or emotion? And they're obviously the guy who's logic-based thinks logic is the most important, and the guy who's emotion-based thinks emotion is most important, right? You want to think that what you're great at is the most important thing. And I told them, "It's macro emotion, micro logic. Macro emotion, micro logic. You need to do both." So, as I'm looking at their YouTube stats, I'm going deep into YouTube. I'm telling them all the data they need to know. I'm looking at the numbers and explaining, "Your audience retention sucks here. We need to fix it. The percentage of subscribers coming to your channel is too low." All of this stuff. We're going We're going deep into all their analytics. I can talk numbers for days. I love numbers. I love making data-driven decisions. But it's not the macro. The macro is the heart. The macro is, "Why are you on YouTube?" Right? Why am I on YouTube? Why am I making videos? That's the macro. And then you use your head to figure out the how, the science of the thumbnails, and the audience retention, and the playlists, and the titles, and all of the micro strategies that you can use on YouTube to grow. But it's macro emotion, micro logic. And so, as I was explaining it to him, as I said, it was Listen, it's macro emotion. He said, "But But I was listening to you as you were explaining things to me, it was very logical." Like, yes. The tactics were very logical, but the delivery, so that you would understand it and then go home and actually apply it, is emotion. It's not logic. It's emotion because logic can be everywhere. The answers can be everywhere. You know how to lose weight. You stop eating junk. You know how to get fit. You start working out. You can find it, but why are people not doing it? Because you haven't connected emotionally. The reason why you understood what I was saying and you're willing to take action is because of the way that I delivered the information to you. Because I had you control the mouse and go through and do it yourself. Because I was encouraging to you when you needed it and I hit you in the face when you needed it, too. Not with my hand, with words. Right? It's macro emotion, micro logic. You need both to win. But just recognize the situation you're getting into. Your big decisions with the heart and then you use your head to figure out how to do it. So, it's common when you come with a new idea for something, you make a list of pros and cons. Right? And that's your heart often talking against your head. Where you have this giant list and you say, "Well, these are all the reasons not to do it, but there's only one reason why I want to do it." And so, if it's 10 cons and one pro, what do you do? If you just look at numbers, you go for the con, but maybe the one reason why is you just love it. When your head and your heart are working together, it's easy. When your head and your heart are opposite, that's when it slows momentum. That's when nothing happens. Because you want to do it, but it doesn't make sense to do it. You really love it. You have to do it, but it's no There's no practical, logical, safe sense to do it. You need to get them aligned. Your heart needs to say, "Listen to me, brain. We're going. Now help me figure out how to get there. We're jumping. Now let's figure out how to make our parachute on the way down." That's how it is. Big decisions with the heart, small ones with the head. Rule number nine, think big and act small. The secret to getting everything that you want out of life is to think big and act small. Think big. Have a huge dream. Create a vision for yourself that excites you, that you want to make happen. And then act small. Don't let the big dream be so big that it becomes so scary and you never start. Find the smallest possible way to just get started. Think big, act small. Otherwise, your dreams will stay exactly that. Rule number 10, just do you. You don't do you because you're afraid of negative judgment. You're afraid of what your family will think. You're afraid of what your friends will think. You're afraid of what total strangers will think. You'll sing in the shower, but you won't sing outside walking down the street. Why? It's not because you're afraid of failing. It's because you're afraid of failing in front of other people. Until you crush that fear of judgment from other people, you will never accomplish the big goals in your life. And today, I'm going to show you how. So, last weekend, I was in Dallas. I was doing a speech at Video Marketing World, which is a fantastic event put on every year in Dallas, where some of the top video creators come to try to help other people who are trying to get started in video marketing, build their business. And I had a really important session at the front. And I was nervous going into it. Because I just made a big move on my YouTube channel. My main channel, I split into eight or nine multiple different channels. So, now instead of just running my main channel, we got channels like this, which is dedicated to its own channel. Now, when I was thinking about doing the move, it was recommended to me by Mac Gialan, who's one of five people who who I would really listen to for YouTube advice. There's There's five people in the world who said, "Evan, you suck on YouTube. Here are the things that you should do to get better." Right? The I'm at the cutting edge. There's five people who I would listen to. One of them is Mac Gialan and he told me to split up my channel. Another one of the five is Jeremy Vest. And he told me, "Don't do the split up." I've known Jeremy for a number of years. He's helped me a lot. I've helped him a lot. I really respect his opinion. He said, "Do not split up the channels. It's better to keep them all on one channel." And so, I'm faced with the dilemma, which one do I do? And I decided that I'd rather know and fail than not know, that I would rather do it because I know what my channel looks like now having all the videos on one channel. I know what that looks like. I didn't know what having multiple channels look like. And so, I'd rather know and fail than not know. But here's the thing. Why do I tell this story? Because when I'm in Dallas, the person who was putting on the event was Jeremy Vest. The guy who told me not to split up the channels. The guy who said, "This is a mistake. You shouldn't do it. You should keep all the videos on one channel." And what did they end up doing? I did the opposite, right? I did what Mac said and not Jeremy. And so, I knew this question would come up when I was on stage because everybody there knew that I had split up my channels and was wondering how it'd work out. And my default response, as I thought about it, was, "I don't want to go deep into the story because Jeremy is here in the room. And this is his event. He's not just attending, he's hosting it. This is his event. I don't want to make him feel bad. I don't want to make it seem like he's on a spot or that I wouldn't want to listen to his advice because I love him and respect him and I I love hearing his perspective." But the fact that I was afraid of it meant that I had to do it. That's something that I've trained myself to do, that I want you to train yourself to do as well, that the fact that you are afraid of what somebody else is going to say or think means you have to do it. You have to step into it. You can't teach yourself that when you think of something and you're afraid that you play small. It's better not even to think about it. It's better not to catch your insecurity. When you catch it, you have to train yourself to go off and do it. And then I default to thinking, "Okay, well, how can I do this in a way that is respectful to Jeremy, that is loving to Jeremy, that that I I can show people how much I appreciate his feedback, that I don't make him look bad at his own event. How can I do that?" And then that question asking leads you to better answers. And so, it came up. Just like I thought it was going to come up. And I talked about it. And Jeremy wasn't offended. And Jeremy did not look bad. And I accomplished my objective. And I did it. Made myself feel proud cuz I was nervous, cuz I was afraid. And so, that's what I want to teach you, that the next time that you're afraid, the next time you're feeling small, the next time you're worried about somebody else's opinions of you, that you go and you take action, that you do the thing. Because you cannot play small for life. If you are worried about what people think of you, you will never accomplish the big goals in your business because you have big goals. You're an entrepreneur. You want to do amazing things. You have big ambitions that will never happen if you're afraid of what one person's going to think of you. Now, I've got a very special bonus clip that I think you're going to enjoy. But before that, it's time for the three-point landing questions. Let's go from just watching a video to taking action. Here we go. Question number one, how will you change your perspective today? Question number two, what is the one thing that you're going to focus on this week? Question number three, what is it that you're going to start to do for free? And if you made it this far in the video and promise to taking action after watching, I will celebrate with you. Give me a hashtag believe in the comment below. I think everyone is born an optimist and then your environment sucks the soul out of most people. When you're baby, you don't stress out about how you look, what you're wearing, or how you're smelling. When you're a kid, you don't hate your life and complain about the world. If there's negativity in your head, it was put there by someone. And if you want to change it, you need to change your environment. So, I've had the good pleasure of seeing one of my friends, Mark Traeger, a great friend of the channel, been involved with the channel for a number of years, become more optimistic, become more positive. And he was wondering, "Could I even do it? Is it possible?" He was a guy who was naturally naturally pessimistic. He had a lot of stuff happen to him, like we all have. A lot of situations, a lot of circumstances that made him see the the negative of what's happening, of of be pessimistic, of not being the typical optimistic, everything's going to work out great entrepreneur. And so, what changed? Over the past 12 months, he's made a significant investment in himself. I've been hanging around with him a lot more. We've co-hosted a podcast together. He's hanging around me, my content, Gary Vee's content, Tom Bilyeu's content more. He's been to Tony Robbins seminar twice in the past year, brought his team with him. And he's slowly inching towards more optimism, more positivity, that more things are possible. Because of the negative upbringing that he had, it takes a lot of unwiring. It takes a lot of shifting your focus. It takes a lot of with purpose, with intent, changing your environment, changing the people you hang out with, changing where you the physical environment that you're in to make a change. I went to Mark's office and he's moving his office. He's creating his own office. He's putting the picture on the wall of himself and then what he wants to be as as positive inspiration every day. He's looking at what kind of colors and what kind of furnishings and and what kind of decor can I have in my office to make me feel bold, to make me feel alive every single day. It's possible. And I think that's the starting point for a lot of people. It's possible to change your outlook. It's possible to become more optimistic. That negativity that was planted in your head was put there by somebody else who hates their life. You were not born to wake up and hate your life. You were not born to wake up and think that it's just negativity all around the world. You're not born to wake up and be a pessimist. You're not. It was put there by somebody. Somebody else who hated their life. And we need to eject that person. We need to unwire the years or decades of training. And in that void, you replace it with the thing that you want. If you want more optimism, you you surround yourself with the most optimistic people you can find. In person, on your team, in video format, in the books you read, in the clubs you're hanging out with, you first limit access from the negative people. Limit exposure. You may not be able to completely wipe them out. Like maybe they're your parents. But you can limit exposure. You can limit access either with time or just topics that you're covering. And then inject more positivity and optimism to the people, books, resources, environment that you have around you. If you want to see more of my husband Evan Carmichael's top 10 rules for success, check out the video next to me. I think you're going to enjoy. I'll see you there and continue to believe. The problem isn't that you're not a genius, that you're not talented, that you don't have wisdom and abilities and resourcefulness