Why the Self-Help Industry Is Built on Lies | My First Million

Key Takeaways

You know J Shetty? He's like me with green eyes. >> Yeah. So yeah, he he's a very attractive guy. >> Very popular. His backstory is uh >> he's a monk. >> I was a monk, you know. I I was I was in trouble. I blah blah blah. And I went and I became a monk in India or Nepal or something. And then one day, and this is where I knew the story was [ __ ] immediately. One day, guess what happened? a monk at the monastery comes to him and says, "You're not meant to be here. You're meant to do more like to do bigger things in this world. You're meant to go back to America and start a podcast." Essentially, is what he told him. You know, you're meant to go popularize this monk wisdom, which I mean, come on. Do we really think that a monk broke his silence and just randomly went up to him and was like, "No, no, no. You you are supposed to go do this other thing." Like how convenient. How convenient. >> We need you to start a seminar company, Jay. >> Yeah, it's [ __ ] So, basically I like it's questionable. I think even if he was a monk, if he ever did like a stint as a monk, uh like being a monk, I think is also like a kind of quite a long-term commitment versus like I did a 7-day retreat at a thing or whatever. So, I think that part's questionable. Definitely the part about the monk telling him like your your purpose in life is to go do this other thing. That's [ __ ] >> Dude, he's only 38 years old and he's been famous for like 10 years. >> So, I'm just waiting for it to be revealed. He wears colored contacts. That's going to be the final straw for me. [laughter] >> It is. >> But basically, you know, and then they're like, "Oh, he has this degree." And it's like, "Oh, wait. He didn't actually have that college degree. In fact, he has his own school that gives their own certificates for 10 grand. And that's where he got his certification from." It's like the whole thing, you know, starts to fall over. But you know what? Like >> the things he says, right, he took old ideas, he repopularized them in his book, uh, you know, his podcast. He gets people to open up and and he's a good podcaster, you So it's it's it's hard, right? And the art from the artist as you said and so I think it's very very similar. >> He uh was the officient of JLo and Ben Affleck's wedding. >> They're like you are meant to officiate celebrity weddings. Um I I met a guy who was like his like brand coach like early on and I was like I was like tell me is this real? He was like I have he I have no idea and I knew better than to ask. I was like okay sounds good. [laughter] Dude, that's crazy. >> I can't tell if the self-help industry is actually has a higher percentage of this sort of like >> Yes. >> fraud and fakery. And there's something about the nature of wanting to be a guru that is attractive. It's kind of like politics, right? The people who seek power tend to be people who are flawed in certain ways. The people who deserve power don't seek it. And so I wonder if it's the same thing with like the kind of self-help guru space or if it's a conf if it's a bias where you just really remember the cases where they they turn out to be frauds because it's so so uh damning right given that given the front that they that they present and so maybe it's just that it actually like strikes a bigger chord or is it actually more frequent? I don't know. >> I know a bunch of self-help people and I know that the majority of them >> What does that mean? Who do you know? What what are you talking about? How many self even are there? >> I mean, first of all, are some people look to us as self-help people to be honest. So like we run in circles with people that like at least have a book that are in the self-help uh category, right? Like uh um so like and I know that like when I see them, I'm like, "You son of a [ __ ] You will this into existence." and and you're I don't think I I don't know anyone who I would say they're fraudulent, but it's just like you're just painting the best picture of the reality. Um, which I don't think is necessarily wrong, but who do you know, if anyone that's in the self-help industry that you think is totally legitimate? >> Well, let me give you give you give you the nuance here. What does legit mean? So, what I don't mean by legit is you live a perfect life cuz no one does. So, that's not that's not the criteria. If that's the criteria, then nobody should ever there is no such thing as as this. The second is that well you had these problems and that's why your you know you had these problems. Look at your broken past. So it's like your your present doesn't need to be perfect. Neither does your past. Cuz of course the people who get really into self-help are the people who needed it, right? They're the people who they had the pain, they had the wound and therefore they went and studied. Therefore when they overcame they, you know, they have the deepest mastery and understanding of it because they actually like self-actualized self did it. So I don't hold it against anybody also if they had you know sort of a broken past. The only thing I think is bogus is if a the things you preach don't actually help people or they're like a lower form of um of success or or you're sort of uh helping. This is sort of like the Andrew Tate problem, right? like he might uh or even to an extent, you know, there's people who are like fitness people who it's all about the grind and suffering or there's business success people who again it's all about the grind and suffering and and so you're you're actually giving people a a dirty form of fuel, right? You're giving them a you're popularizing a path that is um not actually the best method, right? It's like giving medicine that's, you know, not as effective as the leading medicine when the leading medicine exists. Like as a doctor, you really shouldn't be prescribing like medicines that are not as effective. You should be prescribing what whatever the most effective thing is in the market. So that's that's the first knock I have. And the second is you you're actually lying about your past or you're lying about, you know, your your present. Like the lying I think is obviously a deal breaker. It's obviously a trustbuster. So yeah, you know, that that's kind of what I think. You said who do I think is legit? Okay. My honest opinion that I'm afraid to say because I think it'll immedately be attacked, but Tony Robbins I think is legit in uh the in the two definition I just gave. One, I think his advice is extremely helpful and I think it is sort of the best medicine uh for for uh you know a broad scale of people. Um so I think what he preaches is actually extremely helpful and I don't think he's lying. I've never seen >> What is there to lie about? What claims has he made? I've never seen evidence that he lies about like his past or whatever. Um, you know, does he embellish or exaggerate or, you know, like, you know, like make this conveniently trim the timelines for the story? I have no idea. I don't I don't go audit that. You know, I think the criticism of him is twofold. One is like, did he get me to like is did he do that stuff? I I don't know what what that situation is. And the second is, is it a cult? Like, is he almost so effective that it becomes like a cult? like he's sort of an abuse of power of people are falling so far into his rabbit hole that like somehow that's a negative thing. Um I personally got a lot of value from it. So like I guess that's my bias on this. >> I've read his books. I like him. I don't know anything about his personal life though. Um a person who I could say is totally legitimate and this is based off of me hanging out with him for collectively eight hours, so not that much time, but also talking to dozens of his employees. Gary Vaynerchuk. >> Uh Gary Vaynerchuk. Uh, I have nothing but positive things to say about Gary Vaynerchuk. And he's one of these guys who um gets criticized for hustle culture. I think he works actually that hard, which you could argue is not good, but everything that he I've seen him say online, I have heard his employees who have worked with him for years back it up and say it was totally legitimate and he's a wonderful man. >> I have another one, Jesse Sler. I've now spent a lot of time with Jesse Antler and uh you know if you think about uh when you meet people there's sort of think of it like in math terms there's like the y intercept which is where the points the line starts it's like how high up does it start that's usually your expectations or their reputation um you know people you know we met like Tai Lopez and we met the guy from fire festival right so they're low on the y intercept they you come in with a extremely negative perception uh and there's other people who you come in with extremely positive perception of of like h are they really as good as it is. And then there's the slope of the line from there. Does it down does it slope downward? Does it slope upward? Jesse's one of the few people that was I came in with a high expectation and then he's only ever beat it. Like and I've done I've been to his house. I've met his family, his kids. I've done multiple like kind of events where he came and we hung out. We've done podcasts together. Like I'm not his best friend. I'm not with him all the time, but I've every time I'm around this guy, I'm like, "Wow, he's the real deal Holyfield. This this is really like he lives what he preaches." And um he's just a genuinely good dude. Like genuinely there for you. And um I just haven't been able to detect the normal flaws that come with this sort of stuff, whether it's narcissism or it's a extreme self-interest and they're money motivated underneath the hood or they're fame motivated or they're really protective of their image or they they kind of have this like weird tendency to like uh brag or tell dominate the room or you know things like that. He's got none of that [ __ ] And I've I've literally asked him, I'm like, "How did you slay the money monster? You don't seem like you're the only guy in this room that's not just still chasing more and more more more on success or how did you you know, they were talking about this and you actually have done more than all of them in the room, but you didn't say anything." He's like, "Well, I didn't feel a need to like, well, what do I I don't need to prove some I didn't need why did I Why would I have needed to do that? I was there to learn. I wanted to learn. I wanted to hear." And I was like, "Wow, this guy's just showing up in a great way.