How She Built Her Confidence, and Then an Empire with Krissy Cela | E57

Key Takeaways

honesty really really matters and i think much of the reason why i started this podcast was to give the world the much needed honesty it needs but often doesn't get you hear success stories that are glamorized and that are oversimplified but that's rarely rarely the case this week's guest will give you exactly that raw unfiltered honesty like you've never heard it before and in some points honestly that might make you a little bit uncomfortable it made her uncomfortable it made me uncomfortable this week i'm joined by chrissy chella she's an unbelievable and in my opinion heavily underrated entrepreneur running multiple multi-million pound businesses she's one of the uk's number one fitness creators athletes whatever you want to call her she's an author her book is coming out in january she has a remarkable story one that starts from very very humble beginnings as an immigrant that was bullied on the playground in the uk and what you'll find out about her is inspiring it's captivating it's real one of the most amazing conversations i've ever had on this podcast and i'm so glad that we can bring you her story in this way told with total honesty without further ado i'm stephen bartlett and this is the dire rover ceo i hope nobody is listening but if you are then please keep this to yourself as i did a little bit of research on you and i got to sort of uncover your story and i got to stalk you a little bit on social media um the more and more that i observed and sort of looked past your instagram feed the more i saw a pretty remarkable entrepreneur and business person and one of the thoughts that came to my mind and you know this podcast is all about speaking the truth and being honest was this question which is do you think that you get the credit you deserve as an entrepreneur that's the question um it's not about me i haven't built a community about me i've built a community about helping other women and i think that it's never fully been about me and the credit that i get is seeing other women thrive and succeed and come together and that for me is enough credit i don't need an award i don't need someone to say oh my god you're the best business woman in the world for me when i see or when i read another woman's story that for me is enough i don't need anything else so yeah i do so because i was when i i was watching some of your stories on instagram and you you run an office right of people you run multiple businesses right and i typically think that people are very very quick to arrive at judgement when they see a pretty young lady who's worked out on instagram who has a big following and they t and this is just being completely honest they tend to come to judgments very quickly a conclusion a conclusion yeah and that that conclusion and that narrative or that image that they form of that person i've come to learn is usually severely wrong 100 it is and you know it's funny you say that because i've also been on multiple dates with people and you know they see my instagram following and they automatically assume that oh it's because you get your ass out that's that's that's why you make money or it's because you get your ass out that's why you've built what you've built and the truth is if i did that and if that was the fundamental reason then i wouldn't have a team of 30 people in one company and building another company that sells out every time we restock it goes past being a pretty face or a pretty picture it goes past being a nice body it's about the message that you have it's about what you want to truly truly put out in the world and i think if people make that conclusion it says more about them than it does to me does it make you feel though and i want you to be really honest here how does it make you feel i think okay like i'm gonna be complete honestly i think it's one thing to be judged and it's another thing to be judged as a woman okay so why is it that when you see a handsome man you don't come to a conclusion that he only got what he got because he's handsome why is that as a woman i have to justify myself more i have to explain myself more all the time it's draining i shouldn't have to explain myself my face my body all of this stuff it's just external you know and i think that can i swear on this question i smell my youtube all the time some people get offended and i'm like listen this is this is who i am something else yeah no it pisses me off it pisses me off but at the same time it's like it feeds me right you know it feeds me like piss me off even more because that's how i thrive you you saying to me i can't do something you saying to me that i only got there because of this and that it pushes me more to achieve more and yeah i mean it's their problem not mine i guess there's a lot of you know let's just for a second imagine that that judgment of you was correct and that you'd got here because you were pretty or whatever or you're you know you have a great physique or whatever it was um what would they be missing what is the truth why why did you get here because there are lots of very pretty people out there right yeah um but for some reason you made it here and i've seen your businesses i've looked into them you have pretty phenomenal businesses and you're running big teams of people in big offices so like there's two kind of thoughts to this but i think the central question that i'm trying to answer for myself is what is it about chrissy that differentiated you your approach your message and the way that you connect with people from all of these other people that are trying to do what you're doing i think in all honesty if i'm if i'm answering that question from a personal perspective i've always been 100 honest and transparent with who i am you're not gonna find a hidden secret or some nasty surprise like this is who i am you literally either take it or you leave it and i'm not going to try and be anything else to fit in for anybody else you know and for me when i started my fitness journey when i you know moved countries to england i never felt like i had a sense of home i never felt like anybody understood me so to be blessed with a platform where i can build a community and bring women together globally you know this is this goes beyond me this is about bringing women together that have been abused that have had you know mental disorders eating disorders such bad things you couldn't even imagine what women have gone through and have told me to bring them all together and to create this tribe you know that for me is like i think that's what people see yeah and i think that's what people believe i want to do because i genuinely do want to do that and you know one of the things that sorry to interrupt there but i really wanted to one of the things you said was about you being yourself and i asked you that question actually with a bit of a preconceived idea of what the answer would be and when i watch you on instagram the feel that i get from you versus pretty much everybody else other than one other person i've got to be honest and he sat in this chair and he's actually coming back is joe wicks like when i met joix he is the guy you meet off off off air or whatever is the same guy and he's so [ __ ] genuine and all he cares about is like genuinely helping people but the reason i said to joe i said i think the reason you're so successful is because you are yourself and you will share it all and when i was watching you on instagram and watching some of your videos you cater to the 99 of people's lives which is the real [ __ ] yeah i saw your video this week you did on your story you're waking up and you're saying listen i don't want to wake up today and most people don't admit that because you know a lack of perfection is sometimes perceived as weakness so i wondered how that resonated with you in terms of the importance of your success originating from chrissy being her truer self yeah you're you can only be the best version of yourself right and i think if you start trying to be something else soon enough it will come out or you'll start to fall through the cracks or it will slip something will slip and you can only uphold that image and you know that presence for so long before it really just [ __ ] up so the only thing you can do is be the best version of yourself and this is what i tell people all the time it's never been about other people's perceptions of you it's always been what you think about yourself and if you truly truly believe in yourself you won't want to be anybody else you want to you won't want to be fake you wouldn't want to be trying to please everyone my job isn't to please everyone were you always at that point no tell me about that oh my god no i mean i remember when i was in a relationship i was 16 years old i was like i'm gonna marry this person i'm so in love like this is it uh and then he cheated on me and i was like oh [ __ ] this is not it it's his name no he does not deserve the air time i'll tell you that much but i was heartbroken and i was trying so hard to please this person you know i was trying so hard even in school i know it sounds petty but i was trying so hard to fit in all the time all the time i remember like this is so this is not cute on my end i'ma be honest with you i remember being at school and i'm foreign okay like i'm mediterranean we're hairy okay and i had a no i had a moustache and the girls used to rip me for it and i was so sad i was like oh my god why am i not like these pretty english girls like i don't understand like i used to feel so shitty about myself constantly trying to like fit in and then when i got cheated on i was like oh my god it must be because i'm not pretty enough it must be because i'm not sexy enough [ __ ] that that's draining what do you mean i constantly have to be something else for someone else i'm never gonna be happy and i i wasn't happy for such a long time so yeah i just i just fully like expose my moustache story there so let's take us from mustache to self-confidence um what was that journey and what changed your uh your your self-esteem and your self-confidence what helped you get that confidence in yourself i think for me it was can we just i think that should be the podcast title master no no seriously even sarah doesn't know that i used to have him no guys i'm gonna be honest with you okay like i don't give a [ __ ] i had a moustache growing up okay and all the girls used to rip me the [ __ ] up they used to be like uh your man your boy like honestly [ __ ] [ __ ] man and i ate my school dinner for six months in a toilet because i didn't have any friends do you think that experience is part of the reason you are who you are today 100 like honestly it's pretty impossible to to break me and when you've broken me understand that you've really like broken me down because it takes a lot now was that we talk about the mustaf mustache thing is if it was this trivial thing but i'm guessing what you're saying is you were bullied in school yeah but at the same time it's not like i was constantly bullied like i think i don't know a lot of us go through awkward stages in school trying to make friends trying to be with a cool gang trying to do this try and do that then you almost become like mean as well because you're so hurt by everybody else that you only yeah so i think you know like i remember walking into sixth form one time and a lot of personal things happened in my life and no one wanted to be around me at that point and i just hated everyone around me and i was full of anger constant anger and hate you know and i didn't want to be that person anymore especially after being cheated on i didn't want to be that person anymore and i remember being on the train one day because i used to work in potter's bar at the time um in this little men's boutique like retail shop and i was coming back home and i remember like the penny dropped and i was like i can try so hard to be sexy and cool and all this stuff other people but i'm not doing anything for myself and that's where the quote do this for you comes from because i signed up to the gym that day and then i'll walk straight back out and then go back for two months i'm not gonna lie to you i was signed up and like i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this i know what to do signed up didn't come back for two months i was actually actually hanging back i don't know what to do why didn't you go because i was scared i was like who i was like who do you who do you think you are crazy trying to be like a fitness girl you don't know what you're doing you know this was like six years ago you don't know what you're doing go back home relax right relax chill go to work study relax at some point you must have changed your mind yeah i did i did and evidently i did and i was like uh okay now i need to do this like what am i doing i'm so lethargic i'm tired all the time i'm not strong i was never like um overweight or underweight i was just tired all the time and drained especially mentally so when i got into the gym i remember looking at the leg press machine and i was like what is this transformer i don't know what the [ __ ] to do with this machine and everybody else around me seemed to kind of know what to do and then there was like men there and the women were on the cardio machines and the men were at the weights i didn't care about the cardio machine i was so intrigued by the weights i was like what why do men go there what is that about men that go there and women go there i want to go there and i didn't know how to use weights i didn't know what i was doing i was training i didn't have anything like no one was on instagram at the time no one was teaching the way social media has literally opened up a book full of information and free content and we didn't have that at the time i started you know i didn't know what i was doing it's how did you i learned you learned i just learned i just was like you know what i'm just going to do this and i kind of i kind of got addicted to the feeling of how completing a workout made me feel and i started going again and again and i started learning because what was it doing for you going it was giving me my therapy therapy from what from life from my reality from the fact that i was so depressed or with who i was and so angry at the world and everything the world had done to me and the only time i felt like i could escape was at the gym which is so crazy because the gym is like a chore for people i've got a [ __ ] train today but i went there and i escaped it was therapy and no one could take that feeling away from me not an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me not a mean girl at school not a horrible boss no one isn't it funny that so much of you know when you speak to people that have achieved great things it all seems to have been sparked by like an earlier catalyst of being bullied or feeling insecure and or inadequate in some way i see the same in myself the reason why i am successful without a shadow of a doubt is because the feeling of being broke and being inadequate in the area that i lived in and having all the windows on my house smashed for a decade and the grass being six foot high and but living in all of these around all of these white people zero black people at my school other than my brother and my other brother that feeling of inadequacy put pressure on me for like 15 16 years and so my obsession as i wrote in my diary 18 was i'm gonna have uh a million pounds before i'm 25. i'm gonna have a range river is going to be my first car right couldn't even drive yeah it's so funny i did the same right i swear and it's so funny you say it was the only black man in your school because i was the only foreign guy on mine i was trying to contend with this whole idea of having curly hair i was like i i started relaxing it when i was 12 so it'd be straight and it and and i look back and i think if i hadn't have gone through that in the way that i had you wouldn't be where you were not a [ __ ] shadow of a doubt and and it's like that pressure releases at some point in different ways i could have ended up in prison right my my friend said my best friend said to me at 18 he said steve and i remember where i stood when he said he said you're either going to be a millionaire or you're going to be in prison and i hit me like a ton of bricks because he was telling the truth i cared so much about escaping from that pressure and from that life that it was going to channel itself into something so tell me about your diary what did you write your day oh god i remember so funny right i remember i wrote down and i will never ever forget i wrote down i'm going to be someone one day i wrote i wrote that down and then i remember you went you have blackberries yeah all right back in the day and i used the right of my blackberry and i just believed it and anyway when i went to the gym and kind of figured it out along the way um i fell in love with someone at the gym like i was going he's now my ex-fiance by the way everyone we're no longer together but he is a very important person in this story because when i met him i was at rock bottom but i was also trying to find my feet and i was becoming more confident in myself and that confidence confidence did grow and attract the person that i was supposed to be with at the time right because i do believe your your vibe and energy attract the people that you have around you right and i remember he was driving me to work one day because i was waitressing and i looked at him and i said i don't know why i started instagram at this point had like 50 000 followers i started instagram in all honesty i started it just to see how i looked doing exercises and hollywood recorded me and i was like oh my god i'm gonna break my back i don't know what i'm doing i need to fix my form but somehow people started loving it and anyway he was driving me to work and i go jack i don't know why but i feel like we're gonna achieve something by helping women and generally said to me he goes yeah whatever man you get to work i'll come pick you up i was like no i feel it and i started crying crying streams of tears he's like what's wrong with you i was like no i believe it i don't know what it is this is feeling i can't explain never had that feeling before and here we are today what do you think that feeling was belief where did that belief come from me i just believed in me so much that no one not even you know the person i was with could sway me another way and i do think a lot of that comes from persevering in the gym and growing that discipline and growing evidence right yeah that you could right yeah because when you're when you start doing something good for yourself training was good for me right you start to build these disciplines and habits and consistencies and they transfer in other aspects of your life it's like a domino effect so i started becoming more disciplined at university i didn't need 10 cans of red bull to stay awake i was focused um i would excel all the time and it wasn't because i put in extra hours it was because i was so hyper focused where i was with who i was i was present and if it wasn't for the gym i wouldn't be able to have done that so your ex fiance yeah jack do you think you would have met him had you not built the confidence within yourself or started to build a confidence within yourself that the gym had given you do you think you would have been ready quote-unquote to have that relationship with him at that time if you were the old chrissy no um and if i did if i was with someone at the time i wasn't so confident it would have been the wrong person because you attract the energy that you have you attract what you believe in yourself if you're constantly negative about yourself if you're constantly just trying to make yourself believe you're you're just not worthy you're always going to attract that and don't get me wrong there was like dates in between jack obviously when i wasn't with him by the way i mean no i mean like after the guy that cheated on me i had like went through i went for a phase i went through dayton and it's always the wrong guy i was the wrong guy and then it was i realized it's because i'm trying to find happiness in other people constantly trying to find happiness of people and then when i started focusing on myself he came along you know a lot of women when they're in the situation where they're lacking confidence or self-worth or they're feeling like something is missing will and this isn't just women this is men as well yeah right they'll think that the answer is a romantic solution yeah right is it no it's not um i've been there i've done that and obviously i'm speaking from personal experience you could find someone that really helps you you know you could genuinely find someone who inspires you motivates you pushes you and that's so remarkable and if you do find that person don't let them go you know but unfortunately if you have so much self-hatred you are never going to be satisfied in the relationship that you are in because you constantly have to find that person to give you that happiness you're constantly waiting for that person to do something for you stable right it's unstable it is a lot of dependency and um i think that the most rel most important relationship you're ever going to have is going to be with yourself because when you go to bed at night and you're in your own little thoughts up here right that's you and you that's you and you so you've got to fix that up here first before you go trying to find a a person to share your life with you know and you know so you end up you know jack ends up proposing yeah you you build a business together which is a topic in and of itself which you're you're still working together with him on now yeah and then at some point you both decide in a very you know i've listened to your story so you decide in a very amicable mature way that this situation isn't making both of you right happy yeah and there was a sentence you said where you said um you and jack grew apart which i found quite curious and i find it curious because on this podcast we've we've been talking a lot about monogamy for whatever reason and this idea in fact the last guest we had on dr arya who was you know who people have been really really blown away about um he he was cheated on by his partners you know and he found out in a really horrific way that she was pregnant with another man yeah i listened to that okay and so on that sentence about growing apart this makes me ask you the same question about monogamy if it's possible for you to meet someone and grow apart you know especially you know because everybody's growing in some way um what are your thoughts on monogamy having been almost to the altar with someone what are your thoughts on monogamy and i can i be honest i mean please you never have to ask permission again to be honest i've never said this ever and i'm a little bit nervous to say this but i when i was with jack i thought that that was my person and i genuinely felt it in my heart and my soul i never questioned it once right and we grew apart and that's because a lot of people don't know what was going on behind the scenes last year when i launched toner sculpt with jack we had a lawsuit against us you know no one really knew about that you know 50 grand in lawsuits trying to get our app that we we built just to be ours and then build it from the ground up that's why we had to refurbish and relaunch the programs because everything is now built home grown in our offices with our technology right and do you know how much pressure that adds to a relationship i can't imagine and you're going home and you're like what do you mean you don't do this what do you mean you didn't do that hating each other resenting each other because you think they're to blame he thinks you're to blame i think he's to blame right and it's going to take a very very special person to fit into the shoes that jack left you know he is such an incredible man in every aspect works hard is caring is loving as ambitious is everything a woman would want in a man unfortunately we grew apart and it is unfortunate because i genuinely loved him and still do love him unconditionally i'd give him my kidney if he needed it and it would take someone very very special and confident to fill that space up and i'm not gonna hold my breath does that make sense i'm not gonna hold my breath i'm gonna you know let's just see where it goes you think it's possible um i think it's possible i think anything's possible i just think that it's gonna take someone with a hell of a lot of confidence and someone that understands that i don't need anything else but effort and time from them i don't need your money i don't need your gifts i don't need so you're saying you think that jack's shoes will be difficult to fill and it's almost like you're setting his shoes as the standard of what you're looking for in the future so it kind of begs the question well you've got two feet that fit those shoes perfectly jacks so why isn't he filling those shoes i think if anyone turns around and says to you that i work with my partner and we run a company of 30 people and hundreds and thousands of subscribers and you know an ever growing company and we're so in love i i really literally will look at them and be like how did you make that happen working and being romantically involved with someone is difficult because let me tell you something when you come home from work you're coming home from work with the same person what do you think you're going to speak about when you get home work what do you think you're going to speak about um after you have sex work the work i'm being honest like you you live and you breathe your company jack is an entrepreneur and himself jack is a co-founder jack built this with me right yeah so if i'm going through all those things as an entrepreneur as a co-founder he is as well i don't know if you're answering the question chris but i am answering the question it doesn't work it doesn't work because you work together yes it doesn't work together it would have probably worked isn't that a shame when i when i um when i first met jack i have never felt that way about someone before and i never once questioned our relationship or i never once questioned whether i didn't want to be with this person and it's funny because when we hire new people at tone and scope they obviously know mine and jack's relationship and a lot of employees tend to get a bit nervous they're like are the co-founders going to be better are they going to be nasty to one another and you know what they always say it's insane how much respect and love they have for one another it's actually a bit worrying how much respect and love we have for one another and had we not had tona sculpt we would have 100 be married by now probably expecting a first child is jack in a relationship i don't know we don't speak about stuff like that i don't know if he's in a relationship okay so here's another thing jack's made it pretty clear he's been like i don't know who i'm gonna find that's like you and you said the same to me today and i've said the same thing about him um and another thing is i've been with him for five years right i was with him for five years i still work with him in a normal situation you break up and you go separate ways go separate ways you don't speak you don't see unless you're stalking each other which i would because i'm a weirdo so i'd stalk you for a bit until i got over you but what i'm saying is i see him every day so it's like how can i ever forget about you you're always there i speak to you every day i'm on the phone to you every day we make executive decisions together every day i still go to you for advice every day but why is i don't look at you and want to kiss you right do you no i don't i don't i don't not not right now anyway but i don't to be in a relationship you have to have that flair come on you have to have that spark that you you make me feel some type of way and i know over time it will pass and whatever but it sounds so weird but i see him almost like a best friend but then everyone always tells you to marry your best friend so maybe have i got relationships all wrong right so i don't know i don't know but all i'm saying is the person that i'm with and next with or whatever they don't necessarily have like they're not competing because that's horrible you don't want to compete kind of somewhat unavoidable though especially in chrissy's brain but at the same time it's like jack was is the most genuine person like would always take care of me always listen always put me first would always want me to to succeed it was every check check check check check but why are we not together i don't i me myself i still don't have a a fundamental reason as to why you know i read the comments and people were like of course she would leave jack now she's got like millions of followers and has got money of course she was she's gonna go marry a rich arab man i was like what you clearly don't know me you clearly don't know me but um i don't have a rich arab man as a boyfriend by the way i just want to clear that up but i don't know if jack's dating i i don't know what he's doing all i all i do know is that i want him to be so happy could you imagine life without him oh no well that question just took my breath away a bit no i couldn't no i turned around tomorrow said he said i'm leaving the business i'm moving no i'd be absolutely heartbroken i'd be i'd be absolutely grieving i couldn't imagine life without jack but then again don't they say the most important person in your life as a business owner is your business partner you almost speak special bond you always speak to them more than you speak to the partner you go to bed with but it's also and the reason i asked that question is i remember asking myself that question about my business partner many years ago and i'm embarrassed and i thought to myself what if they died and it was like well then there's no point me doing this business anymore which is a really weird thought i had i thought well then they were such a fundamental part of the purpose and the journey and i it made me question you know why i'm actually doing this and i think with jack i think it's probably true that um a huge part reason why you do this business is because of him you've been through so much together yeah i couldn't imagine doing it with someone else yeah but i also can't imagine doing it without him and you've been through hell and back together with jack right yeah and that strengthens the relationship like you know so much been through so much with jack um you do five years with someone shit's gonna happen shit's gonna hit the fan is it is it a possibility to be back with him um like i've always said you can never say never and anything is possible however if jack was to find someone right and say oh like chrissy you know out of respect he would have to sit me down because we work together and be like i'm with someone now and if i see that that girl is treating him so well and looking after him in all honesty that's all i hope would you be a little bit jealous probably i mean i'm not gonna lie probably would but and would you then question the decision oh no i'm not the type of person that if if if i if i don't have you no one else can on you know me and that's just weird i mean you'd go home that day and start thinking oh i would go home and be like oh like damn you'd set reminders off like alarm bells will start going off i absolutely don't regret ending it i've learned more about myself in the year and a half of parting ways with jack than i did in five years of being with him facts i don't regret ending it would i feel some type of way if he were he was with someone else you'd be absolutely lying to yourself if you said no come on mate like we buddy was about to get married we own a company together of course you'd feel some type of way but would i be jealous no would i be happy if he was happy hell yeah i would because his happiness makes me happy is in the future a possibility of me being with him again i don't i don't know how can i how can you possibly answer that question when the possibility of me parting ways with him five years ago was not even a vision i can't answer that question but if he was to find someone and be truly happy and in love and she was a good egg i'd be happy and it's possible to be happy for someone but also for it to suck at the same time 100 but that's only because you just feel some type of way but deep down you just want them to be happy i think he will find someone i think he's going to find someone who's really genuine are you smiling i wasn't smiling you're smiling no i wasn't smiling i think you are i think you were smiling i think you felt some type of way by saying that no i really do i swear i but yeah i've been honest enough now till now to like lie but but if when he does right when he does which he will i just want one thing from that girl if you're listening out there to jack's future wife i just don't want her to sway he's a mind on our business does that make sense yeah oh leave tone and sculpt you don't need it anymore that's horrible like don't interfere don't need to get involved love all right look at you but it's true like i'm sorry but when i'm with a guy if he starts telling me what to do with my company or if he starts telling me or it's me or jack i'd be like yeah get a grip it's jack if you give me an ultimatum i don't want to be with you you know what this thing so i was i was thinking about this earlier and i've got some friends i wouldn't call them necessarily friends but people that i know personally and they would hate because they're so insecure as men they would hate the idea of dating someone as self-made and successful as you mm-hmm and it's a certain type of insecure man i'm laughing because i already know already been there really yeah certain type of insecure man that really is seeking to control that would would not like a chrissy because you can't be controlled you can't be controlled through gifts through x and you've been there yeah i've been there i've done that like you know i remember one time go for it sarah was like yeah sarah was my pa she's like yeah open up but i remember one time when i was speaking to this guy you know after jack and i was going to a lathe this was one of the biggest photo shoots for tone and scott this was you know to refurbish the entire app and everything like brand new look brand new everything so much money went into this i think nearly 90 grand in production that's a lot of money [ __ ] to the money [ __ ] ton of money yeah i mean i can put down two mortgages for that yeah so as you can see like what but when we do things we do things right i tone and sculpt and that's facts um so i remember he sat down he was like i don't know i just feel a bit you going i said what do you mean what do you think i'm gonna do go and go and you know go crazy with other men in la i'm going to work oh i don't know i don't know really insecure and i found myself thinking it was me i was like wait a minute and then i sat back and i was like no that's you you're insecure that's a problem that's not my problem when la had the best time ever with my team we had the most incredible time you know met the most incredible people came back most incredible campaign and i felt good but had i let that man sway me maybe i i may have been a bit vulnerable at the time and let's say he did sway me what if i changed my eye and didn't go that could have happened was he intimidated by you and your success do you think at the beginning yeah 100 let's be honest i'm 20 oh my god i'm 26. i'm 26. i was still 24. i'm 26 years old and you are killing the game i'll say it because i know you're too humble no i no no no no no no no i said it it's fine you didn't you say whatever you want but it's not even that it's you know when you're 26 years old and maybe you have a few things um people start to obviously feel a bit like you know i think it was people start to feel like they should have them i say something when you talk about your success i get awkward don't i i'm super awkward and i'll can i just say an observation and i think this is a society problem not you problem men aren't like that no they're not i love coming up on here and saying how much money they're making and how much they're killing it how many x wins that they've achieved um you don't seem to be as comfortable talking about your success and i feel like that's a reflection of the society we live in uh honestly it's not even that it's me i'm very awkward with stuff like that like can i be honest i don't even check my bank accounts i let my account and deal with it i i i don't i i think for me i stay so tunnel vision and the vision so i wake up in the morning the first thing i do is check my mentions and dms and go on my community pages in that forum that's literally the first thing i do and if i start thinking about how am i going to make a billion how am i going to do this i'm going to do that i don't know it becomes a bit suffocating to the vision that you have um and i was really number driven at the beginning not financially but on instagram followers and followers the more followers it means i'm amazing the more likes it means i'm fit enough to be here you know and i got so obsessed i used to almost like not think i was good enough unless i got a certain amount of likes or followers and i completely lost sight of why i'm doing what i'm doing you know now i don't even check the likes i get i don't even check the the my statistics my team do i don't check it because i don't care what i care about is that comment that a lady saying to me oh my god this has helped me so much this has made me so confident that feeds my energy if i start thinking how am i going to get 100 million how am i going to juice that will come i'm confident it will come but it's not my fundamental you know and it's going to be focusing on something else yeah i'm focused on something else and it's not that society has made me feel uncomfortable to talk about my success it's that i've you can speak to any of my team like i just don't care about it can i be honest with you like i am not thriving to i don't know i'm not i'm not thriving to have the biggest house or the fanciest car i mean i even said to you like i don't have a fancy car a fancy house by the way and you were like i don't care yeah you know like i don't really care about stuff like that i never i never have been like that and it's not that i'm trying to be humble it's like i literally don't give a [ __ ] i don't care about a fancy car never have done on the things that you do care about you talked about these comments and these dms you get um i imagine you know because i get a couple dms as well you get a lot not a couple you get a lot and uh how how does it feel to have that sort of responsibility when someone messages you something so deeply personal and that they're seeking advice or guidance or they're just sharing a problem with you how does that feel in terms of well how does it make you feel um when can i message sometimes because you know what to say because i'm not qualified to deal with certain situations but at the same time the contradiction with me is like you're giving that advice something yeah and i just want to acknowledge the person but i know i can't so and it would be almost irresponsible for me to try and solve their problem 100 you're not there to fix someone's problems yeah but but i think the value that i can bring is just by like listening and acknowledging but you know there's a spectrum right so you have on one end i love what you do in the other end you have people that are suicidal or that are you know and um it's it sometimes it's a lot i had this one video go viral 30 million views and it was about depression and i got 8 000 dm's that week from people on that spectrum and i just didn't know what to do i was like because when you read them some people are really really suffering and they've come to me because clearly in some cases one girl that said she'd barricaded herself in a room in egypt and she was on the verge of suicide like she didn't feel like she could speak to anyone else and sometimes a stranger yeah is the the most safe place to you know how does it feel that that has kind of made me emotional no it didn't i did the funny thing to that i remembered that instantly this girl barricaded in a room in egypt who would watch this video and had reached out to me to for me to give her the answer she's looking for in her life which i'm not qualified to give right all i can do is be a friend in that in that situation um but but i'm sure you get messages that are you know yeah i get um messages every day thousands and um so there's two things that i've started to do one of the biggest teams we have at tone and sculpt is the customer support team right and by the way this isn't because we get influxes of emails it's because we have a person for each social facebook community manager instagram all of this stuff and the reason being is we don't need them it's because i want every single person to be heard and what you just said that is exactly what i think as well you want to be a friend i call my community familia i always use that word i always say you're my sisters you're my familia because at the end of the day i'm not here to fix your problems but i'm here to listen to your problems i'm here to be the friend that you may think you don't have in in your reality you can't fix someone's problems you can't offer you know mental health advice because if you say something wrong god forbid anything happened but you can listen you can make feel make someone feel like they're part of something and that's the best thing i can do you know yeah and you know i was i was thinking then as well about the previous topic we had i rarely switched back but before you came here today there was a question i actually wanted to ask you about because i only ask questions because i am curious myself sure and i'm trying to i think the reason i ask these questions is i'm trying to find similarities in some way between a you know a person on your journey and a personal mind the question is are you hard to date today was one of those days in my life where i'm filming this podcast with chrissy i've got a ton of things going on i've got tons and tons of emails i'm sprinting around and like usual in my crazy crazy world i am neglecting my nutrition something that i i have done for probably the last decade and this is why huel sponsored this podcast and why i've been a huge customer for about three years and why when i was looking for a partner to work with on this podcast hill was the company that came to mind it's a company that helped me with my nutrition and for me to stay sort of nutritionally complete as is huel itself despite the fact that i have a crazy crazy unfi predictable unforgiving schedule and um i love it and it's it's such a pleasure to get to have a podcast and to have a partner in huel and then julian who is the founder and ceo where i can talk about it and the benefits it gives to me in such an authentic way if you've not tried huel and you are someone that frequently neglects your diet whether it's through busyness whether you forget to have meals because of whatever's going on in your life i implore you just to try it just to check it out um they and heal comes in many different like shapes and sizes there's the powder they've got like the savory meals now and they have the bottles and for me i've always loved the bottles um so it's yeah it's a pleasure that you'll sponsor this podcast and support us in this mission and they're the reason that we're going to be scaling this podcast up big time i was just chatting to um chatting to some of the production crew that worked with me and jack and dom and i was saying that um now we have a partner on the podcast we can really take this up a level you've seen me taken up one level this season already we're gonna take it up even further and that's in terms of production in terms of the guests in terms of what we can invest into this into this um piece of content so thank you to huel check it out try the chocolate flavor let me know what you think if you are a hula gun right and um i appreciate you listening back to the podcast the question is are you hard to date um oh [ __ ] yeah i think so i think i am i'm not gonna lie like okay so here's the thing right i'm super loving when i'm with you i'll do anything for you like i'll look after you i'll make you feel special it's gonna be like but if you like it but no no like honestly like even i i can honestly say like even sarah and my pa will tell you like i fall hard in love yeah i head over heels for someone i'll fall so hard for you um but i also fall so hard out of love for you oh [ __ ] that's the issue of me and that's facts and i hate that about myself so much it's the one thing i hate the most about myself i'm a switch you do something to annoy me or you do something to kind of like it's bad it's not healthy like i people think i'm superwoman i've got my own problems this like i want my own issues i feel so in love with someone and then if i don't see that same level of love back i'm like [ __ ] this [ __ ] self-defense yeah i do think in relationships i'm really i'm really defensive and you know what i can't believe i'm admitting all this but yeah i i would say i am and i think that um what are you defending yourself from i don't know okay why are you are you hard to date yeah okay so so are you defensive christy this is all about your diary well come to me no i want to know what you're defending yourself from because you you literally said if i didn't get the same type of love back okay okay so you're obviously very motivated you're very inspired you're very like driven right thanks you're welcome i'm the same like i just want to keep going i want to grind i want to grind so if i see someone kind of just not doing the same infuriates me like i'm almost like how can you not have passion for something how can you not have a try for something and then it leads me to believe that hold on a minute if i did have the same person that had the same level of drive would we be compatible maybe i do need someone a little bit more like low-key because then it will make me feel a bit calmer when i'm home it's all over the gap i don't know what i want women don't know what they want stop asking women what we want we don't know what we want we don't know what we want but what i can say is i think sometimes when we overthink things especially me i overthink relationships all the freaking time i think sometimes it's a good idea to just take a step back and just relax a bit because if someone is genuinely there for you willing to listen willing to take care of you and willing to always always put effort in stop being a [ __ ] pretty much you know i i me personally i'm i'm difficult to stay i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna lie i don't even feel bad saying that i felt quite free saying that like i'm i'm difficult today so no one said you should feel bad no i i am and i i feel bad for the guy but so i really want to dig into that because i can really really relate and that's why i started laughing because i've gone over the same predicament in my head thinking maybe i need someone that's super ambitious and has loads of passions and there's a flagship person and then i thought but then maybe they'd drive me crazy because you know and then so i flip-flop and usually when i'm with one i think i want the other same and then yeah and then when with that i'm like nope yeah that's literally me yeah i'll like maybe we can figure this out today i honestly can't and i think you know what it is i think it's because we are people that are constantly switched on yeah like neurotic obsessive obsessive like with work with this with that i'm not obsessive in a relationship like if someone tries to tell me what to do with my life i'd be like no way and i couldn't imagine ever trying to tell someone what to do with their life like if you want to do whatever you do whatever you want to do that's your life you live it the way you want to live it um so because i'm obsessive with my life and my career i'm constantly switched on so if someone around me isn't i almost feel like i don't know she doesn't think they're a bum oh my god i think that's true it's true yes i know it's so true and then do you find yourself feeling a bit lazy yeah but also i i'm like steve don't tell him because you're passing your own world view and your own values onto someone else who doesn't want it yeah and you shouldn't be trying to change people out here you accept them oh my god that is me i'm literally like what do you mean you don't want to be ambitious in life what do you mean you don't have a passion what do you mean and i go crazy in my head and this is happening in my head whilst i'm looking at the meat do you know what i mean like let's say i'm like let's say we're we're at dinner i'm having a full-on-blown conversation in my head like what do you mean i'm not ambitious what do you mean you don't want this and he's just chilling you know you're not doing anything wrong and then i have to let you take a breather and be like what am i doing i can't i can't push that on to someone i can only push that onto myself i need to chill out connected to this maybe maybe not your parents hard working oh my god so hard working um came from another country came from another