Transformational Coaching Isn’t What You Think

Key Takeaways

If the goal changes but the person doesn't, is it a transformation? I'm Ruth Kzie. This is the coaching hub. Today I'm talking about transactional versus transformational coaching. I've said it many times before and I'm going to say it again because I love it. What people come to coaching for is not what people come to coaching for. often we are unaware of what is going on underneath the surface. So I even as a client have come to coaching thinking that I want to talk about one thing and through the coaching process through somebody really listening to me and being present with me I have recognized that actually what I bought is not the thing and it is something different and this is really really common. At the master certified level with the ICF, we talk about noticing subtle shifts in the conversation and repartnering and recontracting. And the reason that we talk about this is because that through the process of being held and the questioning process and the listening process and the evoking awareness process and that real presence often what emerges is different to what we initially bought. So if we're looking at transactional coaching it's linear. I've got a problem. I want to sell to corporates more. Okay, let's make a plan. And yes, we might look a little bit at beliefs or identity work, but ultimately we're looking at that kind of linear progression. And we know that kind of coaching is often called coaching for performance. It's often quite simplistic and we're not going deeper. And I always like to think about it like an iceberg. You know, when we talk about behavioral change, what we see is a change in behavior. What we don't understand is what underpins it is the identity work very much like you know I always talk about this in terms of exercise so I am somebody who is a lifetime exerciser however I've had a period of my life where I didn't see myself like that and because I didn't see myself like that because my identity was less about being healthy being fit I stopped doing the things that were congruent of that identity and I started really suffering because of it and it really made me think how I perceive myself the identity I hold needs to match the behaviors and for me I'm an identity first person if I don't see myself as that person I don't do the action um it happened as well in about 2021 when I was really growing my coach training business I started to think about who I needed to be to be this owner of this successful business to have these people working for me and I started to make decisions from that place and that identity shift helped me to act in a way that was congruent. This is what I mean about transformation. It isn't about just looking at the steps. It isn't about the action only. It's about the being piece. It's about actually being present with the person, how they are now, but also helping them perceive and think about who they want to become and why. Because we are so inundated with who we should become, but helping the client think and connect with it for them. I coach a lot in the business space and the leadership space and lots of people think that all of my clients on the business side come to me because they want to make more money and they are shocked when I say that many of them actually pay for business coaching not to make more money necessarily but actually to change how they are showing up and often to actually get away from the hustle. and grind that has got them to where they are to change how they see themselves and what is possible. So, it's often not about more, it's about less. It's often about re-imagining how they can work and what success is rather than that more more. So, when we're looking at this, it's about recognizing that coaching is about the whole person. It's very easy to look at something like the wheel of life and say, "Oh, okay. Let's focus on your money or your career or your relationship." We are not like a trivial pursuit circle with all these neat little triangles that we slot in together that we can just take one out and examine. They are all intertwined. They are connected through our neural pathways, through our hearts, through our guts, through everything and our identity. And even though we might hold multiple identities depending on the different roles in the different contexts, those identities are really multifaceted and have lots and lots going on. So when we're looking at coaching the person, it doesn't really matter if the goal changes. That goal or that direction is the starting point. It's not the ending point. Our role as coaches as the ICF says is a creative process for personal and professional transformation and change and that is our role. So the goal can change the signpost can change that's okay as long as we are contracting with our client around that. The really deep work the work that changes everything is not about a shopping list of actions. It's about helping people recognize who they are, but who they want to be. About helping people to really think about why they want to change who they are. Why something is important. About giving them that space to really make sense of what is going on in their head. I always talk about it like being like spaghetti. We've got a plate of spaghetti and it's all mixed up and we're trying to get those strands and make sense and then think about well what do we want to build on here? How do we want to create new synaptic relationships, new neural pathways or strengthen existing ones so we can really make that fundamental cellular change which will therefore impact goals. So for me it's about identity first. It's about actually creating space where people can get deep clarity, where they can understand what they're thinking, where they can challenge their thinking, where they can look through different lenses to get different perspectives and understand what is important to them. where they can recognize the noise, where they can understand where they have been influenced by others and what in their heart and in their gut they want and why. And then really supporting that person to look at how they're going to embed change, change in how they're being, change in who they are, as well as changing what they're doing. So, this isn't just about a one-stop shop. Oh, you're this is your goal. This is your direction. Blah blah blah. It's about really being present with everything that client is showing. It's about listening on that deep level. So, we are noticing those subtle shifts, those little changes, that change in pace, that change in energy, that slight pause. So, that person is able to really understand themselves on a deeper level. And for me, it's about self-awareness and then how we use that awareness to change. I read in the Harvard Business Review that 15% of people are actually genuinely self-aware. So, most of us aren't. Most of us have got work to do. And it's actually in that work in that pulling back those layers of an onion that we can really change. So, don't worry if the goal changes. It doesn't matter. In a sense, the goal is just one of the markers. Real transformational coaching is whole person identityled coaching. It is about recognizing who that person is and who they want to become. And this is how you embed change over time. building those neural pathways, changing the way that person shows up, changing what they think and they feel about themselves, changing their beliefs. And when you work with people at this level, you will see them do remarkable things. You will see them start to believe things they never thought were possible. And you will see a change in energy, connection, and emotion. and it is why I love coaching. Comment below if you have experienced real transformational coaching. If you like what you've heard today, subscribe or follow. Or if you want to find out more about Optimus Coach Academy, head to our website. We'd love to hear from you.