Networking 101: Introverts Only

Key Takeaways

um hi everyone welcome to networking 101 introverts only not really if you're an extrovert i hope you also stick around as i've been listening to the other presentations something that's been mentioned several times like david said is the value and importance of networking so i'm incredibly honored and thrilled to be speaking at my first sans summit this is my generic title but what i really do is work on the threat intelligence team at cardinal health so let's go ahead and get started okay i do have screen control there we go we're good um we'll begin with a brief introduction um talk about what exactly it means to be an introvert and some of our strengths then we'll dive into how we can effectively network walk through a case study of a recent event i intended and wrap it up with a couple notes for our extroverted attendees ultimately i have three goals for this presentation number one increase our self-awareness and celebrate our uniqueness number two strategize techniques to leverage our personalities when we network and number three then use some of these techniques so we can challenge ourselves to expand our network therefore thereby increasing our opportunities a little bit about me personally i love anything outdoors i live in colorado and enjoy hiking skiing visiting national parks i enjoy reading playing board games with my four kids professionally i'm fairly new to security probably like many of you most of my career has actually been in finance and risk management however i wanted to pivot and was fortunate to be selected for one of the sans diversity cyber academies and will actually be facilitating my first academy cohort this summer and that's actually how i came up with the idea for this presentation as i was starting to prepare materials and go through my sand study process tips for resumes job hunting organizations to join and really start to document my process and methodologies i realized that i also had a pretty methodical way to manage networking which may sound odd to the extroverts in the room but i think as we walk through this discussion it will make a little more sense quick disclaimer i'm not a psychologist this talk is based largely upon my personal experience as a lifelong introvert and just to put that in perspective on a scale of one to ten ten being the most introverted i would probably place myself around an eight and a half nine and also there's probably a lawyer somewhere i should have checked with before doing this so i'll just add that this does not represent the opinions of cardinal health some of this slide is meant to be pretty funny but i think what makes it so hilarious is that there's actually a lot of truth to it and unless you know me pretty well i don't think people initially realize how introverted i am and unfortunately i think that's due to a lot of misconceptions people have about us as introverts for example i think i do pretty well socially i actually genuinely love people and in fact would say working with people across the business is my favorite part of my job what being introverted really means is that we are just not energized by people for the extroverts listening that may be difficult to comprehend but being alone gives us energy unlike you who are fueled by being around people oh no let me go back a little bit there we go um and the last two images are just pretty funny and but highlight a couple important important points we'll hit on later in the presentation but let's move on to some of our strengths as we talk about these i think it's really important to think about some of our natural capabilities and how we can leverage them to network rather than trying to fundamentally change who we are i propose that we will be much more successful in networking if we live within our strengths and become intentional and strategic in our interactions one strength pretty typical to a lot of introverts is our ability to be active engaged listeners um we could probably spend a whole session discussing active listening but this graphic is just a reminder of how we can really hone in on that natural ability for me this comes fairly easily like i said i enjoy people i like others to feel valued i am genuinely interested in what others feel the need to share so i ask questions i try to show interest with my body language so these are just seven points that serve as good reminders to help us refine that natural capability our next strength valuable to networking is that we are excellent at observing nonverbal clues many of us are naturally attentive my theory on this one is that many of us have actually fine-tuned this ability because we seek to avoid attention for example in school i was kind of the kid who always knew the answers but i was the master of never being called on i knew exactly where to sit in each class whether or not to make eye contact with the teacher and what behavior that might prompt i knew my teacher's non-verbal cues really well um so much so that i could conveniently tie my shoe or rifle through some papers or come up with some other distraction when i suspected a teacher was thinking about calling on me and this skill can really help us navigate a room in conversations really well though we're probably not going to get much value from trying to network with someone who seems irritated we might have better luck moving on to someone who appears interested and engaged in conversations or maybe we spot someone with a sweatshirt of a sports team we're also a fan of little things like that can help us feel more comfortable and relate to people easily the third strength i want to touch on is our ability to think critically and thoughtfully this can be this can really prove to be quite handy as we prepare for networking as well as the actual networking we tend to be pensive often careful to think before we speak and do and this can obviously help us make our interactions meaningful and help us avoid putting our foot in our mouths so those are just a few of our natural strengths that i think can help us as we talk about preparing to build our network there are a few things that we really need to discuss before we can most effectively network though number one we need to make sure we are self-aware that we as introverts understand our limitations and recognize them before others for example there has been a time or two maybe fear more where my children suggest i go outside for a few minutes because they know that's what i need we don't want to get to that point when we're trying to establish professional relationships people sensing that isn't a great approach and that brings me to my next point know what fuels you and prioritize it whatever it is for me i need to be outside or work out every single day by myself and finally don't feel guilty about it it took me a really long time to realize this um i think as a mama we tend to want to prioritize the care of those around us over ourselves but taking care of ourselves really allows us to more effectively manage the relationships around us now that we've discussed what it means to be introverted some of our strengths and the pre-work we can actually go network so there are two places we can network the first being online hands down the easiest it's great because you have complete control you can turn it on and off at your leisure it's easy to make it meaningful yet manageable and i would encourage you to focus on that focus on the quality over the quantity so you don't get overwhelmed it's really easy to connect follow whatever depending on the platform but i would encourage you to make it a little more meaningful than that to effectively network for example if i had attended a san summit and wanted to connect with one of the presenters i might say hey jess thanks so much for speaking it's really nice to know i'm not the only introvert or hey thanks for pointing me to the sands diversity cyber academy a little plug there i didn't even know that existed i'd love to connect with you that's it super simple but don't underestimate it by putting in zero effort it can be really powerful and over time lead to some meaningful relationships i actually have several friends that i've never met in person that started with just that simple step and next opportunity for networking however is not so simple and that's in person but i have three strategies that are tried and true to make it a little easier and i've called them birds of a feather hit your wagon and play a game and for some reason the names just made me think of oregon trail um but i promise you that if you try these tactics in-person networking will be much more pleasant the first one birds of a feather this is the one i find the least intimidating you enter an event slowly remain on the fringe for a bit scan the room and find your people we already know that we're observant so let's use that to find the other introverts in the room and approach them we already know we have something in common so it's an easy way to make a couple new connections the next strategy hit your wagon this is the one i find the most challenging but also by far the most productive start the same way as you would with birds of a feather but this time find that one person and there might be several of these people that just pick one we all know who they are they're easy to spot i'm a little envious of them they're kind of the people that are the life of the party is super social often excited really exaggerated gestures maybe engaged with in conversation with several people at once if you're not sure who to pick um you could even ask someone maybe there's someone at the registration table or a greeter it's um no big deal to just say hey is there someone here i should try and meet i'm pretty new but just pick your person then take a deep breath and hold on once you muster up the courage for this you've done all of the work and if you find that right person just introduce yourself tell them you don't know anyone but you're looking forward to meeting others and then they will do all the work for you they will love being your connector they'll introduce you to others encourage you to try new things go here do this they will basically do all of your networking for you you just kind of have to tag along often i find that these people already know the key people in the room so you get a lot of bang for your buck with this strategy the final strategy is play game this allows you to shift your focus from a single task or to a single task from focusing on so many people which can be overwhelming to us and if you're a parent you probably do this all the time with your children and may not even think about it for example earlier this week we were in utah hiking and there was one particular morning we wanted to get up and be somewhere at sunrise which involved a 20-minute drive and then hiking a few miles so if we had told our kids hey we're gonna get up at five o'clock and then go hike a few difficult miles so we can look at a rock that would not have received much enthusiasm so what we did was we made a game out of it we made it fun we broke it down into small tasks we're going to be the first ones to breakfast we're going to try and get through the gates first let's hike in the dark with flashlights and climb this rock and we'll race here when you do that when you're networking it makes things so much easier but you have to choose a game that naturally leads to connections for example one i use and if you google this you'll find all kinds of articles on it is the marriott 15 5 rule and if you've ever visited a marriott hotel or an event there when you come within 15 feet of an employee they're required to acknowledge you with either eye contact a friendly nod or some other gesture and then when you come in within five feet they smile and say hello it's really simple an easy way to invite interaction and oftentimes they'll reciprocate and start a conversation and if not it's not awkward just to smile and be friendly and say hi to people okay so next let's chat about what some of these look like in real life by walking through how i navigated a recent in-person event from start to finish where i knew no one we just moved to colorado in june so i literally know no one here will take the strategies we discussed and insert them into this larger framework that includes preparation strategy key targets and most importantly our escape plan preparation for a couple of these skills put your or for a couple of these steps put those osen skills to work find out the agenda drive around the venue this was especially important to me since i'm relatively new so i actually prefer to use google earth just to walk around the venue make sure you know what the objective of the event is if it's a recurring event or hosted by a really active organization check out social media for photos so you kind of know what to expect familiarize yourself with the agenda this particular event was a buffet dinner with a vendor presentation and then the organization's officers spoke followed by what they called fun and entertainment which included bowling yard games and some bumper game bumper car game i had actually never heard of and this was the return to in-person events for this group so they were hoping to reconnect old members and then gain a few new members and this doesn't have to take a lot of time but for me spending just 10 to 15 minutes really helps me feel more comfortable and better prepared to network the next step is to develop your strategy have a plan but also be prepared to be flexible because as we know the best laid plans don't always come to fruition and for me that was arriving on time i did not want to arrive a minute earlier for this event and given that it was dinner first i had planned on slipping in after most people had arrived so i could kind of sit back and get the lay of the land and start with birds of a feather i wanted to ease in so i decided i'd find some other introverts and try to join join them for the dinner portion this was a long event so i wanted to make sure i could survive the whole thing i had planned on utilizing that dinner time to scope the room so i could next leverage hitcherwagon again my favorite strategy and another key component to strategy is having a couple go-to icebreaker questions that you can ask anyone my favorite is do you know anyone here and i think it's great because if they don't you immediately have common ground and if they do that's also great because then it's super easy to follow up and say hey i don't know anyone here i'd love for you to introduce me to a couple of people these are typically questions that can be used for every event so again you're not spending a ton of time to effectively network you're just being really strategic once i had a general strategy birds of a feather followed by hitcherwagon i tried to identify a couple key attendees and do some more recon work maybe you find out a little bit about the person handling registration or a little bit more about the organization's leadership or the vendor sponsoring the event just know enough to increase your comfort level and have some immediate common ground if you run into one of these individuals lastly but super important find just one of these individuals to think at some point for the work they did their sponsorship etc expressing gratitude is another way to meaningfully connect with very little effort a sincere thank you for hosting more thanks for getting this set up is generally all you need to start a conversation the recipient is usually pretty quick to engage in conversation when they feel appreciated and even if they don't start a conversation that interaction can still be really impactful and that's what i did i knew who the membership officer was so i thanked her for the work she did told her how much fun i had and that i looked forward to attending the regular membership meetings so not only did i express gratitude but she walked away from our interaction knowing that her efforts resulted in the intended goal of attracting new members so i imagined she felt pretty good and i intentionally sought her out at the end of the evening so she left on a high note and that she remembered me so when i tried to connect with her later she knew who i was so i did my prep work developed a quick strategy became familiar with a few key people now i just needed my escape plan and this is where self-awareness really comes into play if you feel yourself rapidly depleting go ahead and execute the plan don't hang around any longer but i would first encourage you to have a goal you want to achieve before dipping out maybe it's stay till a certain time or you've met x number of people and giving myself a goal tends to keep me from trying to escape prematurely and miss out on really great opportunities for this particular event i had decided i was going to play the family card because it was true being honest always feels better to me but just have a few escape statements so it's easy to dip out and you're not caught off guard if you're trying to quietly sneak out and someone catches you but a couple of my favorites are it was really great to meet you i'm going to go home for some family time again no one can really argue with you tending to your family or for those of you with babies and little ones when i was in that stage of life i always used bedtime and nap time as an excuse to leave events another good one is i have another commitment but i was so glad to be able to make it to part of whatever networking event you're at because that one's vague enough that it's always true they don't have to know that the commitment may simply be your sanity also people have lots of dog lots of people have dogs so that's another great excuse to get out everyone understands the need to let them out so those are just some easy widely accepted reasons you could use just pick a couple and be prepared to use them and when you leave regardless of how you feel it went just celebrate the fact that you showed up and then be done with it don't overthink it don't analyze every little detail because i promise you no one else is but do follow up online with anyone you met this is a great way to quickly solidify new contacts in an introvert friendly way a simple connection on linkedin goes really far and even if you didn't get to meet them in person but you know who some of the attendees were it's okay to reach out to them afterwards and say sorry i missed you and really enjoyed the event maybe we'll meet another time and for our extrovert friends i have not forgotten about you thank you for making it this far i sincerely believe the world needs both of us our strengths are complementary but i do have a couple of tips for you encourage us sometimes we really need a little push but also don't make us decline your events or suggestions a hundred times maybe two three or even five times is okay but if we're saying no more than that we probably just don't have the capacity for whatever you're proposing sometimes we just can't and i know that seems crazy to those of you who are really extroverted but as you now know being around people has the opposite effect on us we recharge by being alone also another tip if we are ever at an event and disappear please don't call us out on it when we return we really appreciate being able to sneak off recharge and return quietly to the event ready to finish strong and most importantly thank you thank you for being you and seeking seeking us out challenging us and sometimes just letting us hit our wagon to you guys um when that's really all the energy all we have the energy for we sincerely appreciate it and just for fun i did a little googling and read through i read a post where someone had posed this question what are some of the things we really wish extroverts would understand there's some really good responses there were hundreds but here's just a few of them my absolute favorite is you have never seen joy like the joy of an introvert who suddenly finds out that plans are canceled and they don't have to go anywhere i'm sure lots of you in this room can relate to that but let's recap it's okay to be introverted the world needs both introverts and extroverts and everything in between i realize that's a continuum um i think it's great to always work on developing and strengthening other aspects of our personality but just not to the extent that we forget to really lean into our strengths and live where we can really shine before we even start expanding our network make sure we're self-aware understand what fuels us and don't feel guilty about it then when we get to networking revel in the ease of online and don't forget the three strategies we discuss for in-person networking birds of a feather my personal favorite hit your wagon and play a game thank you so much for joining me i hope you found something really helpful in this feel free to connect with me on linkedin i am sincerely happy to help especially those of you who are new to the field or trying to enter the field it's not too long ago that i was in your shoes so please reach out i'm i'd be thrilled i've linked a few resources for you some just for fun the presentation will be in the stands portal i'll probably try and post them in the hallway too and i'll be hanging out there for a while i think that's a wrap david you