Genesis World Class Copy Feedback Call

Key Takeaways

Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. This is going to be fun today. Okay. What's up? Long time no see. Feel like I haven't seen Forrest in 20 minutes. Um Cool. All right. So, Mario and I have agreed our goal is to make make you cry. If you're on the call and you submitted a copy, we want tears. Tears of pain. Tears of growth. I'm in a especially fiery mood today, so it's going to be extra. Ready to go. We're going to jump right into it. We have a lot of submissions, so just a reminder for everyone to know. I know we said it a bunch, but the purpose of these calls is like the feedback is that's the promised feedback that you have through the Oracle system. The feedback that we give here is just like from a time perspective, there's no way we can promise that we'll get to everybody's stuff. Um and we have like 23 submissions, so I don't think we'll be able to get through um all of them in the slot that we have. But, we will get to as many as we can, and we will try to give priority next time to the people that we don't get to today. But, regardless, whether your copy gets reviewed or not, it's a really really powerful exercise to see it like get broken down, see the way we think about it. Um I learned a lot about copy just watching other people break things down, right? I mean, literally right before this call, I was watching Mario give feedback to another copywriter in the group and learning things for myself. So, it's very powerful. Um that's it. Without further ado, we'll just jump into it. Mario, one thing I'll do Um do you want to share it on your end or you want me to share it on my end? Either way. We're we to post them or we're going to just going to share it tomorrow? I think we'll just share it tomorrow. Um I guess I'll share it and then Um I'm also going to set a timer for 10 minutes just to keep us on track. Sounds good. Okay. Everyone can see? Yeah, looks good. Okay. All right, we're going to do um from now on you got to be on the call for us to give the the feedback but uh Nick kind of reminded me that we didn't even set this up so I told him I would I would get to it. I don't know if he's here but we'll go through it. Okay. All right, because this is so long we'll probably just give feedback on the lead and then maybe go through structurally. I don't know Mario if you want to Yeah, that's good. We'll go through kind of structurally. First thing is like all right, it's 132 pages um and it's 16,000 words which is probably too long. So the first thing I'd recommend to Nick is like literally try to cut it in half. We'll see Yeah, at least 6,000 words got to go, all right? Yeah, we at least got to get it to 10. 10,000 is kind of like the maximum what you want. Um it's just too long like 16,000 words if you do words to time is 2 hours. 2 hours? So it's pretty long. Okay. I'm very long-winded so I can't be too mad but Um you make sure Did you have to scroll down to make sure it's all one? Yeah, I did. Uh do you want to Do you want to go through the rest of the copy and look at like some structural places and I'll start with the lead and the headline? Okay. Approach women. I wish he was on the call because he would ask about How do you know all the stuff he wrote No, not not why it's so long. All the stuff that he wrote about his avatar if that's actually true or not. Like that seems very [ __ ] laser focused, probably more than what this avatar actually is, right? Yeah. Oh, we're recording by the way, right? Yeah, okay. Let me see. Okay, so my first impression is like the writing is really good. Um like the writing is good, which is a great sign cuz if you can write well, like perfect. All you got to do is fix some of the structural stuff. So like my first thought, I don't know Amari if you agree, I kind of like the headline. Um like it's not really a benefit, it's just strictly story, so you're taking a big risk because if they don't connect with the story, they're going to bounce, but we've seen stuff like Chris Haddad stuff, right? Um I feel like you could probably make this line a little more powerful because you're putting so much weight on it, but I do think um it could work. Um my thing is is if you're targeting men who are 50 years old and you're talking about like boobs like watermelons and you're talking about um I don't know what you guys think or Amari if you agree, but like I imagine her naked on the white sheets of my king-size bed moaning my name. I felt my balls shrink. It feels feels very um like adolescent. And I think that a lot of these men are going to get turned off by that even though again, it goes back to like what we're talking about benefits and stuff. Even though that's what they want and even though that's what they think, right? Even if they are perverts deep inside, um they don't want to they're not going to They don't want to associate their way into it. Right. Yeah, exactly. Also, the other thing with dating products is like there's a lot of shame involved. If you're a 50-year-old man and you're recently divorced, right? And it's like you haven't been on the market for a long time, you don't feel confident in your dating skills, there's a lot of shame involved in that. And men, you know, have egos. They don't want to [ __ ] admit that they're uh You know what I mean? They don't want to admit that they're that they're like this. So, Right. um I don't know. And you're also he's also painting these guys into a very embarrassing situation, too. I guess this is a lot of their biggest fear as to why they wouldn't want to fix their dating life, getting embarrassed by a hot 23-year-old, right? I also wonder, so the setup is that basically he approaches this girl, she's beautiful, and he approaches her. But for a lot of guys, I feel like will the story connect cuz I think a lot of these guys won't even approach a woman. That's what I'm saying. He's putting them he he's basically painting their nightmare scenario for them. That's going to make them It's going to make it harder for them to actually be customers. He's putting it in their head of like, "Oh my god, that's going to happen to me. I don't want that." Yeah, I mean it is about like having women approach you, which is good. I know for the dating market, the thing that always consistently works is like these little words, these few words do XYZ. Um guys always want to know what to say. That's the biggest thing in the dating market. Um and then they also want the woman to approach them, right? So, I think we're right on the that right track there. Um I think it's also just too much like focus on the writing itself, right? Like the writing is good. But we don't need to say my body tingled from the anticipation of manifesting the pornographic imagery she had still instilled in my mind. One, the language is probably like an eighth or ninth grade, not necessarily yeah, 12th grade. Um but it's it's like this would be good for like a novel, but it's too much. Whenever you go with the story, you're taking a risk because if they um it could work really really well, but if they don't connect with the story and it goes too long before we get into like um goes too long Sorry, I got distracted by BDSM erotica. I got to ignore the chat. You guys keep throwing me off my rhythm. Um I forgot what I was saying. Again, the writing is really really good, which is perfect. to get caught up in the writing cuz where they're like Yeah, like you like you said, like it's not You got to understand why the whole purpose of the writing is just to push the [ __ ] the sales process further. Not just get people People aren't reading People aren't watching this video reading this story for It's not fiction. They're not writing They're not reading it for pleasure. Like eventually They want them to buy something, right? Yeah, I mean this is great. Calamine pink lips. I don't even know what that is. I have a pretty big vocabulary. I don't know what calamine is. That's good. Like again, the writing is awesome, but um writing copy is is different from writing fiction. So, have to dial it back. Um Like if this guy's going to write like this, I know why this girl is [ __ ] calling him out in public, too. Talking about her calamine pink lips in her. A buttock that looked like two cantaloupes, like You definitely want to make your make make your narrator like talk more relatable to how the market actually talks. Yeah, and typically like one thing you do with a story is that you start with the the crisis moment. This is the crisis and you expand on it for like six six to seven lines, and then you immediately jump into benefits, mechanism, things like that. That's a safer bet. You can have long long stories, but it they're risky and you have to be really really good. Um so like a lot of this story copy is good, but we can we need to do it really fast. And then this whole thing of like now he's in an arm bar, it's jiu jiu jitsu choke. It doesn't seem super believable. Um and it just doesn't seem necessary for what the market cares about. Right? A lot of these 50-year-old guys are not even going to approach women in the first place, so they're not going to connect with the It's not going to stimulate The thing of the story is you want to stimulate the fear and the shame that they're keeping bottled up inside. But if they're not out there approaching women, um this is not relevant to them, you know? I don't think they're worried about getting put in you know, whatever. And then also here, torturing myself for being so stupid as to walk up to a younger woman in this woke politically correct feminist [ __ ] world we live in. Um you're creating Unless you're a thousand percent sure this is a conservative market, even then I I would be careful with it. Um you're going to you're going to get people leaving. There's no reason to even take that risk, Aubrey. Yeah, there's no reason to take the risk. It doesn't add anything. See how long we're in the in the story um before we get to like talking about them, the benefits, and stuff like that. I'm on page 15 on my screen there and still the story. Yeah. Which is why like That's just why this is 16,000 words. Um That's why like that's the first thing like it seems so simple, but all we literally did like we we wanted the feedback and the first thing we did was click on the word count tool and we already knew that this thing was going to be like way too long. And now Yeah. And then then we go through the lead and we realize that like the lead is going on for way too long. So like it seems like such a simple thing, but it's just like it's something that you know from doing this stuff that allows you to like pinpoint where people's biggest issues are going to be. Like obviously this guy's a great writer. He just needs to dial it back about five levels and he'll be coaching people. Yeah. Um I think all the elements are here, but we just need to like reorganize them and get rid of about half of the letter. Yep. I think. But again, the writing is excellent. The writing is really really good. Um So like feedback for him is going to have to be like put him on really strict limits of how much time he is allowed to say each thing. And like within those within those limitations though, somebody with this kind of writing talent like when you give him a little freedom to like use that stylistic stuff, it's going to actually make his copy pop. But this is way too much of it. Yeah. All the elements are are here solid. Go back and just look at RMBC and just literally follow that checklist and keep it I would challenge you to keep it below between six and 8,000 words, follow that checklist, and um this will be solid. Everything here is is good. Um It's yeah. This market is going to drift like right-wing in general, but you don't need to alienate the other 40% of your market that just wants to get laid, right? Get a young girlfriend or something. Like why are you alienating your market at all? Right. And you have to understand like you're I don't know. I I still I don't know Mark if you agree, but I feel like a lot of this stuff here is good writing, but it's too adolescent and it's going to make I don't think these guys are going to connect with that. You know? An epic canyon of cleavage. Like I mean, even a fifth like a 50-year-old guy who's just recently divorced, he probably wants to smash a bunch of chicks. But, he also probably wants to have have some sort of relationship and not die alone. Right? Very different motivations than like a you know, 16-year-old horny teenager. Um Most of these guys are going to want like a hot girlfriend they can take out to a restaurant and stuff. Right. Not be like living this crazy bachelor life. Yeah. But, I mean, there's a lot of really great copy in here. Yeah, I agree. Once we dial this in, like it's going to be excellent. Yeah. That's 10 minutes on that one. So, there's plenty more we could go, but hopefully that was helpful, Nick. Again, you did great. Like you're a great writer. Um we just got to fix the structure. Super high potential, though. Insanely high potential. Yeah. Okay. Um next. Photos. Uh this is a piece I wrote for practice because I feel my headlines and leads are are weak. I got the ebook being sold, read through it, and use the content. Whatever it was uh Dr. Berg. Okay, cool. This is the page. So, he went through that page. Like used it as like a sample product and then just went back to write it for practice. Mhm. I I I cheated, too. I peeked at this one like 2 minutes before. That's good. Yeah. So, I'll let you start it, but Yeah, I mean, go go for it. Let's see. May- just on the headline, it's pretty it's pretty solid, right? Like, it's got the right elements. Solid. I think um so, I always look I always break down a headline. Most headlines I break down into what's the curiosity element and then what's the promise, right? Either the benefit or away from pain. So, in this case, it's your four sick organs are going to hold the key to shedding 42 lb of stubborn fat in 6 weeks or less. This is a strong benefit, right? That's what they want. We have a time frame. That's solid. When I look at the curiosity element though, these four sick organs, um I like it cuz it's kind of unique, but I think it could be better. Sick is not strong enough. We need like something a different like something else a different relational word between those four organs like that we can like group them together in a certain way. Yeah, it's it's not it doesn't doesn't have that doesn't grab me as much. Um and then uh typically, I like to keep things down to one. Like, the power of one is really underestimated. Four is okay, three is okay, two is okay, but one is so much better. So, I would always lead towards like, you know, this one how this one What was the the the pancreas one that you did? The diabetes one? Like, how the groundhog organ or whatever What the [ __ ] was it? I did it. Groundhog the It was oracle gland. Yeah, the oracle gland, right? How this oracle gland or the groundhog gland or something could be the key to like diabetes. So, it's like one specific gland, calling it the oracle gland or the groundhog gland or whatever, um is a little more curiosity invoking, I think. And then, exactly what Mario said here, uh be more specific with the credibility. This is just what you read. instincts to use a credibility line there were dead on. But, like, a common The loss authority doesn't mean anything. Yeah. If you scroll down, you can see like scroll down a little bit underneath his like he wrote it here underneath his picture. And the guy gave like presentations to the FBI. Yeah, this guy is super well known. Everybody loves this guy. The FBI's uh most trusted fat loss advisor or something. Yeah. Like that brings credibility that other people don't have, right? Yeah, also this is just too much too hard to read. So you need to we need to break this up. Yeah. Um If you post big paragraphs like that, it's like it's might as well you don't post anything because no one's reading all that. Yeah, exactly. This is good good instincts. Um Dear friend, if you have 20 and you have trouble to do so, then then those four organs are to blame. So like Luke said, if you can pinpoint that to one organ and it if it ends up being none of the organs that people usually associate with weight loss, then you have way more compelling idea already. Yeah, if you have 20, 30, 40 lbs more fat to lose and you struggle to do so for more than 6 months, then I'm going to tell you the number one organ that you need to focus on. It's not your liver, it's not your gut, it's not your colon. In fact, it's blah blah blah. You know, give something weird about it, some weird fact, right? I know it sounds crazy, but in a minute you'll see it's true. And as soon as you fix this organ, then you get all of these benefits. Fat falls off like this, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah. And and I that's a good point, too. If you act fast like he said, if you act fast you could heal your organs, but people don't give a [ __ ] about healing the organs. That's just the way to get the fat loss results that they want. Yeah, and also heal your organs, avoid that's like not going to be a compliant. I mean Yeah. this is not really that compliant either, but um Like how nourishing this one organ could be the key to losing blah blah blah and getting back that your confidence and your energy and like just deliver the stuff they really want. The organ treating the organ is just how you get there. Anyway Yeah, I mean the writing is the writing is good. The The are good. It is good. Yeah, his instincts are good, too. Like what do we point out? It's literally just specificity and the credibility. He knew to use credibility and just like the the strength of the actual idea, right? Like four organs could be a decent idea if you pinpoint it down to one particular one, that's a stronger idea in general. So, Okay. Um let's look at these fascinations. The no willpower needed strategy to get back control of your cravings. I feel like um it's good as a benefit, but I feel like we could add some sort of curiosity to make it stronger, right? Um you know, how a simple like I I I don't know. Like literally anything. Like here's a Starbucks coffee, right? The Starbucks coffee trick that allows you to get back control of your cravings without any willpower. Yeah. So, always think about if you can combine curiosity element with benefit or avoid this pain problem, you'll make very very strong fascinations and headlines. So, this is just a straight benefit. Cool, but it could be a lot more powerful with that. We want to use the curiosity element as the reason that's going to deliver the benefit and then the no willpower needed is like an additional benefit or like objection headline. So, like how do you get this awesome curio- curiosity element that we're injecting gives you this result without this thing that you don't need. It's basically like the structure of that. This one, I'm not super big fan of this one. I Again, I like the instincts, right? Like the idea is right. You're using super specificity, 34 cents, ordinary veggie, it's in your fridge right now. Parentheses, like all the ins- all the instincts and technically it's sound, but we need to step back and start thinking thinking about it on a higher level. I think photo, it's your ready to like you have a lot of the the foundational stuff, but it's ready you got to start thinking a little more in depth of what you're saying. So, 34 cent ordinary veggie that can shed belly fat on command. The thing is like it doesn't invoke that much curiosity because you're basically saying here, you know, how something healthy can help you do something good. Yeah. Right? And if you're saying 34 cent veggie, it's like people don't have this association that veggies are super expensive. And like the fact that it's in your fridge right now is not If you said for instance the 34/7 34 cent supermarket snack is already better. Yeah. supermarket snack Yeah, most people have it in their pantry right now. Yeah. Right? Um that's better cuz you're not giving it away. There's there's some motivation and it's like oh, a snack that can help me burn fat. Right? People think of snacks as something that's unhealthy, so go from there. But when they find out it's broccoli and they're like [ __ ] you, Fronius. Yeah. Why every health expert is dead wrong about hormones governing your fat deposits and what you should do instead. Um I still also think this one could be better. Um What governing your fat deposits is way too like way too confusing. Yeah. So we simplify that. So what do people think about like Yeah, I mean even if you just said, you know, what every health expert gets dead wrong about your hormones when it comes to fat loss. Um you know, parentheses including why cortisol could actually be good for you. Right? Most people kind of have an idea that cortisol is bad for you. I still don't think it's the strongest one, but if you're telling them that if you're just implying here's what everyone gets wrong about hormones and cortisol could actually be good for you. Again, you have to make it grounded in reality, but that would be a a better one. Cuz this isn't really If he actually has something that this is based on like what you should do instead, I would lead with just something describing that one thing. Like the one thing you should do to help your fat help your body burn its stubborn fat. And it's not your hormones. like, use the hormones as like a example of what's what it's not based on. Mhm. But you would you would still need something. That honestly depends on what the answer actually is because if it's nothing interesting, then you can't use that, but Yeah. And then I promise by the time you're done reading this, you'll have all the tools you need to hit a healthy weight and painlessly stay there. I feel like this is kind of falls flat. I feel like it could be a little like if we're talking here about a dude cutting 300 lb or going from 300 lb or whatever, and then we're saying, "We're going to give you the tools to have a healthy weight." It's Yeah. It's not as hard-hitting as it needs to be. Painlessly stay there is okay. I might use effortlessly or something. Finally get the body of your dreams and keep it for life. Yep. I've used that line about 500 times. I write weight loss copy every day. Yeah, that's my biggest one. And then I think overall just getting this idea dialed in will make everything a lot stronger cuz everything will flow from that idea. Right? If you have an idea where it's like there's the organ and it's, you know, guess what it is, it's your I don't know. What What's a weird organ? It's your It's not your thyroid, it's not your liver, it's not your belly, it's not your intestines. Right? It's your you know, thymus gland or something like that. It's your gallbladder. Yeah, it's your testicles. Um yeah. Um I don't know. Hopefully that's helpful. Okay. Structurally, I think that was really good. He just needs just basically pick a stronger idea and then that's going to make every other part of your uh thing better. But structurally, you're right where you need to be. We got Claudio. I I you skipped one, though. Oh. Facebook ad, right? Lorenzo. These are Facebook ads. I'll tell you right now one thing that jumps out at me. Okay. From that page that we were just looking at. People don't People don't want a 50-plus pages or anything. They just want Yeah, they don't. copy and paste [ __ ] right away to get the results they want. All right, this is selling the features versus the benefits. of proven Facebook post ad. Sold more than $150,000 on high-ticket offers, whatever. Yeah. Exactly. Do you guys see what we're talking about? This is selling the features, the mechanism, which seems like a lot of work and kind of annoying. Nobody wants to do that. What they do want is a Yeah, you know. The The lower you can make the barrier to getting results, the better the more compelling your offer's going to be and the better your copy's going to be. Yeah. But this is his ads, that's the page. So, it's Yeah, I think this would be good, but very confused. Yeah, Lorenzo, if this is the guy's thing, give him that feedback. We got to fix the headline. I guarantee it'll make the opt-ins better. 100% same. Yeah. Um His ad lead magnet Facebook group high-ticket offer. It's a PDF containing all the Facebook produced uh posts. Um this is free, right? Yes, it is. So, we should probably put that in the headline, right? Or early on. You What do you think, Mario? Yeah, I would. Yeah, anytime you have free it's such such a powerful thing. I would put that first. Something about like proven post that proven post that generate over 50 high-ticket clients I'm going to give them to you for free. Or like want want more high-ticket clients? Want want more high-ticket clients with this? I have a series of proven posts that generate over 50 high-ticket clients in just a few months. I'm going to give them all to you for free. All the post all the posts I used to grow a whatever amount of money high-ticket business and I'm going to give them all to you so that you can copy and paste them in your own business in matter of minutes and So, I know that it's literally like So, I documented a whole journey in a free I don't think people want the journey. And they don't want 8 months of your Facebook posts even if that's what you're giving them, right? You're telling them things like doesn't matter. Whatever, let them figure that out when they get the the thing. And then it's too late. But I would make it actual templates if I was designing it. Um But I like telling them, "Hey, we're going to give you 8 months of Facebook posts." That's not interesting, but like literally if you say, "Here's copy and post templates, you know, six-figure copy and post templates that make it organic, no ads, no whatever. I'm giving you for free." And then if you're telling them that it's free, you should also give a reason why it's free, I think. You don't have to. I don't know, Mario, what you think. Uh yeah. Yeah, if you actually have That was was So, do you have a good I'm trying to think like if you have a good you have to come up with a good reason for why it's free then. So let's go. Give me a good reason why it's free, look. Um Think about it. Giving it away for free because Well, what is his actual his high-ticket clients? Like what does he use this in? Like what business is he using this for? This business right here? Like what was his business of him generating high-ticket clients? Was it for to teach other people how to do this? affiliates. Enrolling affiliates into a high-ticket program. And he's teaching them to do that specifically or just do do any get clients for any high-ticket business? Well, it can work for any high-ticket business really. So the people but the people that you're selling it to are only affiliates or you're selling it to anybody who has a high-ticket business? Cuz that's what you got to decide on. Preferably affiliates. But then does this ad even mention affiliates or not? Well, because of compliance it doesn't. That's kind of the the problem that I bumped into. So So people that are actually uh people that are actually reading this ad have no idea that they're only being sold something for affiliate marketing. So, you're not you're not going to be able to target it. be used for both affiliates and coaching. Yeah, exactly. So, then you could say like uh why am I giving this away for free? Well, this is not like I'm actually use this in my business. I already have all the clients I want. I'm booked for months. So, since I get asked for like for other people to help theirs, figured I'd give you these templates so that you can build your business, too. Cool. What What about the beginning of the ads? Which is very important. Very first lines. You're not making a direct claim there, right? Over 50 high-ticket clients. I would just say like I've generated over a 50 high-ticket clients in the last few months using these simple Facebook posts. I'm going to give you all my best posts that you can copy and paste today for free. Like that's a much stronger uh offer to make right out of the Yeah. Yeah, so a shorter and more direct ad. Yeah, if if you're giving a for a free for a free giveaway, you don't need like to be like dance around it. You just want to make the most compelling offer you can and lead with that right away. Because you're not asking them to spend any money, right? You're just Like they're going to want You have to Your job is to really make that offer as clear as possible so that they can't misinterpret it and make it sure that it's something that they actually want. And if you actually have something of value to give them, you just want to You don't want to have that buried in between like a long flowery ad. You just come out and make the offer. All right. So, that's a I would do it. Yeah. Then you can talk about who it works for if you wanted to, like if you wanted to target a little bit. Mhm. Is that helpful? It's super helpful, yeah. So lead with the I've generated XYZ and I'm giving the wave for free to you, right? This is what I'm doing and this is why I'm doing it. Right. And you want to make make it clear that it's super easy for them to just implement your stuff. Like you're not these ads are Right. something that they can like basically implement right away. They can just like copy and paste these ads. They can apply it to any business they're working with to generate the best high-ticket buyers in that market all through free social media posts. Right. Cool. Okay. Thanks very much. You're welcome. All right, now we got Claudio. He says he's not here and he gave us a cat meme. Sorry, I can't make it. So I guess I guess we don't get feedback. Well, we have to do it now. But from next time Well, there's nothing here, right? that's all he has? No, I'm like that cat is going to That's [ __ ] terrible. To a music school. It doesn't even make a promise. Bro, do you even R&BC or what? Okay. All right, this will be a template email he used for various clinics. Thank you. Okay, this is kind of confusing and a little long. I like the wandering Jew, but now I'm lost after that. Yeah. People driven towards addiction with Navy SEALs explained. So, it's like an addiction something with addiction. But, Navy SEALs are known for having like the extreme discipline, not addiction, right? Totally. Like uh I'll let you Let me see. One thing John Michael, I know cuz we talked about this before, too. I still think more clarity, more clarity, right? Okay. Piercing through the deafening noise of addiction takes a solid footing, yet adaptability. Can we just say, you know, addiction. Actually, don't know what those things are. We have to find better names for them, but like keep it simple, you know? Okay. Um clarity clarity is still You have good ideas. It's just the the clarity. I think the ones below it get a little bit little bit better little bit little bit cuz that's when I got the feedback again, and then I tightened them up. Maybe. I don't know. One thing John Michael that I I see like along with the clarity, maybe this will make more sense is like it's like there's like missing you've you've gotten better at like being punchy and quick, but you're still missing parts of the copy. Like some of the transitions aren't aren't clear and that's what's messing with the clarity. So one younger sister relates, he always protected me and so it's like who who who are we talking about here, you know? One sister um like we need the context of who who we're talking about and what's going on. And then we need a transition sentence to get to this idea. Okay, then we need another transition to get them to this idea. Um then we can talk about some of this stuff here. So we're we're missing there's like missing pieces of copy um that I think we need, but let me let me keep going. Okay. Let me see. Like that whole email could just be like here are two proven tips that help people break free from addiction. You don't need to like dance around it as much, you know what I mean? Okay, makes sense. Makes sense. For you like before you write emails, I would just outline exactly what you want to say before you get into any writing. Okay, that that's very helpful cuz yeah, I'm always scattered cuz I can see like you're a good writer and you like to throw like curiosity stuff in there, but then you get lost in the act of the writing. In my own head and then exactly. Okay, so What I want you to do is like write like let's say you're writing an email. Okay. Write like seven hyphens or whatever, one on each line. And then fill in the logical flow of what you want to say from the beginning of the email to the end. Make sure all those little bullet points make sense to you before you do any actual writing. Okay. that if that flow right there, the outline, is like logical sense from opening to call to action, then when you actually do your writing, you just make sure you stick to that outline. And you have a little freedom to be like more creative with your language, but as long as you're not veering off the the path of the outline that you set up. Okay, so basically make the structure like bullet say like the the quick bullets I want to hit, like three, and then and then make sure those pieces are there. And then essentially once that's down pat, then I can fill in the curiosity and like the words and all that stuff. Like that. Exactly. You just want to make sure that the logical flow is there and clear. Like So like you would start it like my brother used to be my hero. So it pained me to see him like fall falling victim to uh addiction or whatever like that. And it's like addiction affects everybody. It doesn't matter how strong you are. Even the strongest of us of us can be vulnerable to addiction, right? It steals so it ruins so many lives. It steals whatever. Then you then you can like segue into where you're going. You just want to make sure that that logical flow is there first before you get into the writing. Cuz a lot a ton of writers get lost like when you're actually trying to like flesh stuff out. People go on tangents and stuff. It's hard to see like if you don't have a clear path of where you're going, it's hard to like you could easily miss things that you need to make things make sense. Yeah, and one one thing that you'll develop as a writer is you'll develop your own process. So, for example, to like piggyback on what Mario was talking about, the thing that I normally do that I found works for me is I'll do like research and then I'll outline it, okay? And once I have the outline in my head of what I want to write, then I'll just write without ego, right? So, I just flow and put every idea I'll have, right? I'm not worried about following an outline, I'm not thinking about it. I'm just writing everything I can. I'm trying to just fill up the space. Then I'm going to go back down and I'm reverse outline {slash} organize. Okay? This is just my personal process. I go through and I read it and basically what I'm doing is I'm going to do a reverse outline, okay? So, sometimes it helps to just write out all your ideas without judgment, look at everything you wrote, and organize that into bullets. This is sort of what uh Stefan was talking about as in his email about emails, right? So, you go back and write it into bullets. So, for ex- instance here, it's like um you know, what did you write? Comes to understanding we know what works. So, people use Sober Secret to fix addiction. That's the first idea that we have. The next one is um it has two parts. One, journal. Two, reflection. Good. It helps you. And then here you can kind of look and be like, all right, well, is the idea actually going to be good to lead me towards a call to action, right? People use the Sober Secret to fix addiction, it has two parts, one is journaling, one is two is reflection, and it helps you is that going to lead people to some sort of click? I don't think I don't think it will. So, I think we have to readjust some of the ideas around this one to get it to work. it's three parts and have the third part be support and then it sets up his thing better, right? Yep, three, support. Okay? That's what you're actually giving them, so. Here's how to get support. Done. Now we have a solid idea and we we can just look at it and be like, all right, does this make sense? Yeah, it does, but now we know exactly what we need to talk about. We don't have to, you know, we know exactly what we're trying to say. Okay? We want to fix addiction, you need to, you know, use this the sober secret, right? And then we got to ask, does it make sense to call it the sober secret here or just call it the three tips, right? Three best ways to beat, you know, three scientifically proven ways to beat addiction, right? Whatever. Um regardless though, going back to this, I do my research and outline, then I just write without ego, then I do a reverse outline like this, and then I reorganize it and reflect on everything that I've already written. Okay? And I want to see if I need to add in any sort of pieces. Then I go back through, go back through and edit each part. Okay? And then I just edit everything together all at once. So, what this allows me to do is like, um do my research, create my outline, I can write without ego, then I can make sure that the structure is is down first, then I can go back and focus on making the language and the elements stronger, and then I can just edit everything else for flow. Yeah, writing without ego should be a column itself, exactly. Um I don't know, John Michael, is that helpful? Totally, totally. And so, just just to re- so I can refocus on that. So, like, editing the chunks, so like when you look at like the the lead section or the pitch statement, the intro, you're specifically looking for certain things that are that are going to make that stronger all the way through to your call to action, and then you go through and do a big overhaul on the whole thing more as a flow based edit type That's that's what I like that's what I like to do. Again, everyone has their own journey, but my thing is like when I write without ego, I don't want to be sitting there thinking about every little micro detail my copy. I just want to make sure I get all my ideas out on paper and everything is together. I also don't want to have to put my proof in. So, I actually have a couple other stages where I'll I'll edit each part and then I'll go in and I'll add in all my proof right each proof and all my different elements and everything else and then I'll edit it all together so it has a flow. Um and then of course as you edit as you go along or wait until you finish your complete draft. Um I like to just do it in in cycles. I know Mario just like writes it from the the get. So, everyone has their own process. Yeah, but you got to develop that process, but I've I feel like breaking it down so that it's like I'm using my emotions and then I'm using my logical brain and then, you know, I can blend those together more seamlessly without having to switch back and forth. Um okay. Thank you. Yes. Good work. Okay, Michael. We target chiropractors physical therapist, massage therapist. Biggest question we get about Call Hero is that they don't understand what Call Hero does. When they talk to sales and how it works after they give out their credit card. This is when they need to give some tips on positioning it better. Uh basically it lets clinic owners know how the front desk is performing on the phones like answer rate booking rate and win back rate. All right. Oh, we're looking at the actual page, right? Let's see. We came only So, wait, what is the virtual receptionist though? You should probably have a demo on this page explaining what it does. So, this is the virtual receptionist here. So, they actually take the calls for them? Instead of That's what's confusing about it. It seems like they're analyzing it using call recording. Actually, yeah, let's go back and figure it out. It lets clinic owners know how their front desk is performing on the phone. But, the virtual receptionist confusing. That's the confusing part. It's like, are you getting are you giving them that or are you like analyzing their calls and telling them what they could fix? Right, there's there's like two different offers on the same page, yeah. And never call recording. I think it's it does everything and virtual receptionist optional and not required. Right. So, I wouldn't even put that on this page. Unless that's what they really want. Yeah. Like if they want if they if most people want just someone to do it for them, I wouldn't put it on this page. I would kind of upsell that as a service. Um but if it's like the analytics that you're providing with the software, then I just talk about that cuz I feel like that's going to confuse people. And then this is a cool thing, too. But I feel like um That's a good question, Forest. Like you can literally talk about how some people let their best patients like fall through the cracks because of the way they are uh the way people in their office like handle the calls and stuff. Yeah. I'd also make your CTA a different color. Cuz it doesn't really stand out, right? It's the same color as this, blends in. Um I'd make it like a yellow or something. Um and then I'd put a demo of if we have a demo video, I think that'll do a lot. Right. Right. And then you You put the testimonial. You could have and like What I would do is I would put a demo here and then I would put a text testimonial down here that's really powerful and then I stack your different testimonials together later down here, video testimonial. Um but it's like when they come on this page, if the biggest confusion is they don't understand what's happening, give them a video that explains what's happening. They don't need the They don't need proof if they don't know what you're proving, you know? Right. Um and make this a different color and convert more callers into patients for less. What I would talk about I would talk about like AI basically or like machine learning analytics that um instead of talking about call recording platform and virtual receptionist. I don't know Mario, what do you think about that? And what you want to do is you want to have a testimonial right out of the gate talking about what they just said in their description does. So go back to that Genesis page real quick. Like he said uh most clinic owners think that their staff is already doing a good job on the phone. So you want to talk about how like I thought my staff was doing a good job on the phone. I would never believe I never would have guessed that 30% of our patients were like falling through the cracks because of this until I used CallHero. Like if that's the main objection that people are going to have is that they think that they don't need to want to take somebody who's in the market who had that same objection and then answer that right away. Yeah. Agreed. And um yeah, if you put a video here that explains it and then you put that testimonial that hits that point, I think that that's solid. Um that's what it's is identifying holes in your phone and plugging them up. I feel like this could be clearer. You agree, Mario? Yeah, definitely. Um No, I don't know. I mean and I guess I would be clearer that you basically have um you have answer rates, book rates, and um What was the third one? Winback rate. Like those are the three things that you need to boost, right? So Like here, that's what I'd be talking about. I I don't know if you need copy that explains these are three things to focus on or you just have different sections that talk about like Here's the the uh answer rate, booking rate, and winback rate, right? And basically everything depends on those. And if you can boost those by this many percent, then everything stacks up, which is kind of what you have down here. But it's not super This is not a super clear graphic. Yeah. You want to like point that out directly in the copy and then have them play with the calculator. Cuz that's powerful. Yeah, this is super powerful. It just needs to be clear and we need some copy above that explains how to actually use it. And um But then here, I would just really lean into like the three rates. If you can fix each one of these, you can boost how much revenue can you boost, right? Now you can check out the calculator uh above. And then I wouldn't talk about the virtual receptionist or this one yet. You can maybe talk about them later down below. Oh yeah, you have all of these. This is pretty cool. Um Also, creating making the thumbnail a little bit stronger. Like you have extra room in this thumbnail for more copy. I'd put like a red banner on all of these thumbnails that give context on who this person like I know we have them down here. You don't really need to click here to play even that's wasting room if you have the play button, right? Yeah, but you can put Yeah, so you can put a banner of copy like we did This is modeled after that of Modern Millionaires. Let's see if I have it up. Oops. So like this thumbnail here is like former Instacart driver makes $10,000 a month. There's literally no way to fail if you follow this course and believe in yourself. This is not the perfect like I designed this so it looks shitty for a reason. That's good. They don't even have to watch the video then. Yeah, most people are not going to watch the video, but you have a whole story. Former Instacart driver now makes this and then she's giving her quote. You could do the same thing here giving context on who these people are or where they're from. I think there's there's some miss things there. Again, CTA different color. Um That's what I would talk about. So convert more callers into patients for less. If we could add more I don't think we need a whole lot of specificity cuz it's more of like a branded landing page, but if there's a way to add more specific promise, that'd be solid. Instead of talking about this, I talk about using some sort of like AI system and I'd give it a name. Make the CTA a different color. I'd make this a demo video that explains really clearly what's going on. And converting more callers into patients for less like they say he's telling us that they don't think they have that problem so you should probably point out the problem of all the like lost patients out there missing out on. True. Most like most blah blah blah are missing out on Yeah. this percent or this amount of revenue or something like that. That's a That's a good point. Yeah, putting the demo here, putting a testimonial like he said, and then I would lean into this section talking about the three different types of rates. And then how how how it helps boost those to boost those and get rid of this or just put it like way lower. Um this is fine. Like I you could actually just keep this. It's kind of hard to read. Like I I wouldn't even read this. I don't really It's hard to read. I don't know what you're saying. This is cool. We just need copy explaining how to use it. I feel like that'll make a big difference. Okay. Is my background noise a lot? It's picking up, yeah. But it's not like frequent. If it gets like really annoying, let me I don't know why people are here in this public space. What gives them the right? This is my public space. Okay. Ah, hmm. Who are these? We're going to be brutal. Brutal. Who wrote this? Oh my god. That's pretty good. That's not bad. Yeah, that's great. Forest, you wrote this? Okay. Woah. All right. I know I know I wish they did. Forest came out swinging. How about the other? He had years of staying in student mode. He was ready to fight me and unleash. Oh, he's a Texas fan. That's why he's frustrated. Okay. Getting their butt kicked again. I would uh I'd probably start with that dog line. Well, so the thing is like it's good like a lot of the writing copy is good, but remember what the purpose of the email is. Right? The email is not supposed to be selling it. Um Like all of this is cool for a sales page, but you just want to bring them here. Right? And you want to make sure that it's it's congruent. So that when they get here, they already kind of know what to expect and they're not like, "Oh, what the [ __ ] There's a wolf now." Right? Um Cuz here we're talking about the fountain of youth, but we're not talking about the wolf's the wolf's secret. So they're going to click here and be like, "Oh, I'm going to discover the fountain of youth." And it's like, "Oh, wolf secret." Some cases it probably work, but like um I don't know. So I think it needs to be shorter, first of all. Even though the writing is fun. The emotions are good. Yeah, the emotions are are excellent. Should be shorter. Like I think we could just reorganize it where it's like That's that would I'd make that opening line right there. I like the idea of that. Just so that they know like this is going out to pet owners. Yeah, and like the subject line. The only problem is uh the when you're sending it to people, it's like we're sending it probably to general health lists, not like necessarily dog owner lists. It's just not clear who is who this is for. Right. You'll get curiosity clicks, but you want to make sure that you're getting people who um have some way to So, like you can use the from name for this. Um but I think we can make it like like something You can play around with that, but something that put dog in there would be better. When I kill that dog is, you know, there I was blah blah blah blah blah blah and blah blah blah. Yeah. When my wife came out yelling off of her lungs you know, that my dog had just you know, whatever all over her $1,100 snow white something um she gave me choice either her or the dog. Truthfully, I wanted the dog. Just kidding. Um but you can put something here like, you know, she gave me an ultimatum. So, I had to discover solution. Luckily came across this Tell them that we got to tell them to shut the [ __ ] up or else he's trying to get back. Yes. There you go. Veterinarian backed. Wolf got that. I'd have to discover exactly like you just have to condense it a little more to get the You just don't want the email to go on too long because the only point of the email is when your job of the email is not to do the actual selling. You try to just get them to the sales page and let that do the selling for you. So it's great to have that like emotional catalyst in the beginning. You want to transfer from that emotion over to the solution as quickly as possible. So I think like yeah, the story telling is really good and the writing is really good. I think you want to like shoot for like like 200 words max on these like these kind of emails. Just make a little sense like this is you know, you could add in a couple lines but like that's the length I'd probably be going for. You know, which is like probably like 150 words I think. Yeah, I think you got it. 150 to 200 words versus uh This is like 550 I think. Yeah. But the story telling is good. Um It's actually a really good like lead idea too. Yeah, exactly. And then the other thing is like I like rules of I like use the rule of three. So like here we're giving all these different examples. That's cool but if you're going to do that, put it in bullets so people can just skim through it. Otherwise just use three examples, three of your best ones. I don't even know how to do bullets on Word or I'm in Google Docs. You just click that uh Do a shift and then hit the number eight. The asterisks. Like that. And then boom. Ah, that's it. Okay, great. Thank you. Yeah, you can also use this this feature up here. So, if you just see this little bullet thing. Okay. Oh, yeah. You can even put arrows. Yeah. Yeah, I was I was looking for that. I just couldn't No, that's No, that's good. Uh Austin will have the fanciest bullets out of everybody. Stars, smiley faces. Like smiley faces on this page. And then, you know, I would under keep this whole thing kind of underlined. And um And you want to make sure it's congruent, right? With the wolf secret. Yeah. Use this wolf secret to fix your dog's digestive problems. Yeah. Or even yeah, even that was good. Use this seven Yeah. And would you put click here next to that? Or would you put that I don't think you need it. Um there's some people who say like don't tell like people don't like to be told click here stuff like that. I I don't know if that's true. I mean, I trust the person who told me that. I don't know how true it is, but still I just like I wouldn't use learn. I'd just be like discover, see, use this, try this, etc. Click here is not the end of the world, but I usually don't use it. You can put those arrows in front of use to make your life more obvious that they're going to click something. I do that on Facebook ads a lot. Yeah. There you go. Make sense? Yes, yeah, that's Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I like how it's so much shorter. Uh the other email with when I wrote it, I thought well, it's kind of a long-winded. Right. It's just It's just a formatting thing. Like for the format, you want to keep the like emails like click baby emails would need to be like shorter but the writing is actually really good so Yeah for emails try to keep try to again there's no hard and fast rules but try to challenge yourself to keep it under 150 words and go and go from there and what you'll see is like all we did was we took everything you already have right all the copy is already here and we just cut out some of the interesting pieces got faster Okay perfect Thanks guys Welcome you have 54 seconds anything else you want to say any last words last words No that's good thanks guys I appreciate it All right good All right who we got next Amy here we go This page needs work here too I picture them helping them with this Yeah I've just started working with him recently so Did you nice Okay so basically they they just they give these to you or they build them out for you They say that again These are like pre pre-built or they build out They so they build out camper vans for people, uh but it's kind of a full service thing. Um they have one layout, which is a little different from um other services like this, um but they buy the van for They have the vans um already bought. Um so, you would choose your van from this fleet that they have. Um they can put four-wheel drive on them, and then they have this one layout um that can be slightly customized with like different cushion colors, different like countertop materials. Um but it's pretty much this, and they um market towards rugged outdoors people. So, it's less luxury, more like families getting out, uh or retirees trying to get more outdoors, uh a simple like weekender travel van. This is dope. So, these aren't These aren't like people living. These aren't necessarily marketed toward people wanting to live full-time in their van. It's more weekend warriors. They look pretty luxury, though. They look pretty sick. Yeah, I kind of want one, yeah. But this page needs a lot of work. Yeah. If you made this page awesome for them Yeah, well, I think they're actually redesigning the page. Um so, I can that might be something I pitch them as we, you know, move forward. You could definitely make like some cool like identity level promises on that page, too. Like you have it for a specific person, you want to call that out. And not just like sending people to a big list of like features and benefits. Um so, they actually have um three kind of mark three types of people that tend to purchase from them. How would y'all address that on a page? Um because it's like retirees, um fants young families, and then like couples that have dual income that are maybe going to have a family. Do they all they pitch them all on the same product? Do they have like different models for No, it's pretty much that that one layout. They also have a sister company that they rent the same layout, have vans with the same layout. So, that is they can kind of get people to buy from them because they get to test drive essentially these vans, which is a pretty unique selling point. Um but it's it's pretty much the same. I think that the market has similar ideas of what they want to do, but as you can imagine a retiree couple is a very different experience than a family that has two young kids. Yeah, yeah. Um so if there was any like customization because that'd be really cool to do like a quiz funnel. And then takes them to like the Yeah. Yeah, that I They've kind of nar- They used to have multiple layouts. Now, they've narrowed it down to the one because through their rental fleet, they pretty much had this one that everybody loved um that was constantly being rented out. Um so, they've simplified that, but they can they turn these vans around in like 4 weeks, which is pretty fast. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. I mean, this is this is not copy-wise, but I mean, if you have the ability to rent too I don't know. It'd be interesting to like let people test drive them, you know. Um for some like discounted rate, like test drive this for $99 or something like that. Uh in one of the emails, I actually touch on that because their sister company is um camper van rentals. Um I actually kind of point that out as like this is different than other You're not just renting a camper van, you're renting exactly the the layout that you would purchase um for them to build. So, you get to You get to see what it feels like in that space, whether that works for you. Um and I I believe that it go- they get that that off of their if they decide to have the company build out for them, their rental um money gets put toward the build. Okay. And you can Also, they have um their first an email that'll go out um at the same time as that first welcome email has the lead magnet, which is um a like free membership or percentage off of a membership that's like a overlanding type app. I don't know if y'all are familiar with overlanding, but just um like maps and stuff like that of places you can go camping and whatnot. I like that email. Uh what was the subject of interesting to me that the Swiss Army knife of camper vans. Um like even as a subject line, um I think that's interesting. It is a good subject line. Yeah, so just to note, um one of their selling points is a lot of their customers actually use these vans as everyday drivers as well. Um so they're really multi-functional because of the simple build and the open layout to them. Uh they can be driven as an everyday vehicle, so you're not just investing in a separate camper, you're potentially investing in um a vehicle as well that you can use on a daily basis. The everyday vehicle you won't want to get out of. Like it's so comfortable that you can live in it, right? Um the other thing is like even though they know Like I feel like even though they might they probably know what the Revolver is, if they're like on the like How do you get there? How do you get their email? Test drive the camper of your dreams. Um I think I think that it's fairly local type um business, so it's mostly going to be people nearby and I don't know that they're running any uh ads or anything like that, so it'll just be people um looking for vans in the area or looking for builders in this um region. Um I wouldn't assume that way. I wouldn't assume that they know like what Revolver or Axis Vehicle Outfitters are. Um you know, like Yeah. But even if they do know, they could probably like forget it. They can forget. So like you're instead of saying "I want to take the Revolver for a test drive", I'd be like, you know, "Test drive your dream camper free." Yeah. You have to You have to massage it by saying like, you know, you know, yeah, we get it. Like Yeah. We get it. An investment, you know, a camper is a big investment. Which is why we partnered with our sister company to let you test drive it. So you can and then paint those three scenarios. If you have the three avatars, beautiful. Right? Paint those three scenarios here. You know, if you decide to blah blah blah, the camper, most people do, winky face. You know, they'll credit it to your part. They should really just let them charge it for like some discounted rate. They should let them do it for free or like $99 flat rate or something like that. Um Yeah. They'll credit it to your purchase. Um Yeah. No, that's great. I actually that's great. I was struggling a little bit with how to um to to pitch that angle um eloquently. Yeah, so look all I did like again it comes back to beats. What are you saying what are you saying here? It's a big investment, right? That's all that this line these lines are saying. So you just all you have to So this is why the reverse outline is really powerful and we're developing a new training more trainings for everybody. You get a training you get a training. Email Melodies training is coming is coming soon. We know you have a lot of questions and certainties and some questions going to be answered through experience. Like this line does it we don't need this, right? Sort of is camper van worth will it actually be better? Like all you're really saying is we get it it's a big investment which is what I put here. We get it a camper is a big investment. Make it shorter punchier. So like one of the tricks I use is like the exasperated the exasperated copywriter, okay? Go ahead and like if you reverse outline everything and then you're just like I'm [ __ ] pissed and I don't want to write this email and just like say it in the most direct way possible. We get it it's a big investment. That's why you can partner with our sister company Roamerica. They let you test drive the van. Right? Best of all when you test drive it they'll credit it to your purchase. Click here to test drive it, right? Exasperated but honestly the punchier the email is it'll probably do better. He basically tries to turn into me when he writes copy now. That's what he's saying. Like I like the way of thinking about it the exasperated writer that that definitely helps. Yeah, cuz all your right all your copy is right structurally it's just I think you're you're taking more time to say things than you than you need to. Right? Luckily you can test drive with Roamerica. That's why yeah that's why doing the beats before you write any actual like flushed out copy is makes such a difference. Yeah, but sometimes sometimes you need to write it first to just get all your ideas out and then you reverse it. Um not everyone's perfect like Mario, but we try. I've been in this 10 years. So. Yeah. Um I know we didn't hit all of them, but was that helpful? Yeah, super helpful. Thanks. I like this one. I like that one. Don't assume they know what the bands are. Call them campers and stuff like that. Yeah, awesome. Thanks, guys. You're welcome. Here we go, Stipe. All right, I didn't forget about you, Stipe. I'm going to respond to your message as well. I just been thinking about it. Okay, this is a sample Black Friday promotion email for some guy from one of the Facebook groups. I used a random site as an example. That's why the link takes you to a blog and a landing page that I pushed to a random site, too. And I know for a fact that it doesn't work, even though I know and I think it's not terrible. If I'd like you to obliterate it, be ruthless. License to kill. Stipe wrote what he was arguing with like a fake Stefan, inner Stefan. Yes. It was so funny. Yeah. It was funny. I liked it a lot. I just know Stefan. Stefan is just very busy and he'll just if he doesn't get it right away, he's just like all right, I don't I don't You have to share that one with the group, Stipe. I think everyone will enjoy that very much. Cuz I was dying. Okay. Um subject lines. We're sending him to holiday recipes. There's basically zero research behind that. I just picked a random category from her blog and used the the main keyword as a selling point. Okay, if it's a Black Friday email, there should probably be sale or discount in the subject line. You agree? All right. Yeah. Uh does that hurt the thing when they go to promotion and spam? Mhm, I mean, you can find ways of around it. Like uh I depends on what you say, and depends on depends on a lot of factors, right? It depends on um your reputation, it depends on um whatever pool you're part of, depends on your ESP. Um You don't have to say free anyway. It could just be like Yeah, I mean, but you can put a sale or Black Friday Gourmet recipes Black Friday saving. Yeah, stuff like that. Yeah. Cuz everybody else is going to be doing that. So, if you're the only one who's not giving a sale, you're probably getting weeded out. Like Black Friday gets so competitive. Makes sense. Okay, I don't like the word learn in general. It's not about learning the secrets, right? It's about stealing her recipes, right? You don't have to be a great cook. Yeah. Uh learn is a process, stealing is like the instant Yeah. Like they these people don't give a [ __ ] about being a good cook. They want to just impress their family and friends, whoever they are cooking for, right? It's like I do a million things in a day. I have 20 minutes to put together this meal. I want everyone to think I spent 6 hours preparing this stuff. Like I'm Gordon Ramsay myself, right? Yeah. That And I did some work with Paleo Hacks. One of the biggest things that they have is like time. Like time is the biggest biggest thing for women here. So, if you could put um if you could talk about time. So, it's like time, and then it's also about like impressing your um impressing people. You have those emotions. Um And Does that sound like Do they send plain text emails because if you could use pictures of something like the best recipes? Like a lot of the paleo hack [ __ ] that works is basically just like food porn. They just hit you with like a million delicious looking things and tell you like you can make this, this, and this and it's good for you. Yeah. But they're like super hard to write for. Let me see if I can find it. Some of their stuff. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not on their list right now, but um I guess I guess so there's there's two things. It's like or there's three things. It's like Black Friday sale savings. So you lean into that. It's save time and it's this delicious recipe secret thing. Those are sort of the three ones that you want to hit. You could hit all those those points, but you want to center your I would center your email around each one of these. Um you know, so like Is she selling the recipe book? I think he just picked a random blog. Yeah, he picked a Oh, you just picked this for Okay. Yeah. Yeah. The guy for whom the the sample was has some video where chefs teach how to cook. Yeah. And he got like a bunch of those emails and never responded to anyone. So, [ __ ] I like the fact it just says Jewish up here. She's a Jewish and it's everywhere on her site. It's crazy. Obviously makes difference in cooking. Yeah, I mean it's harder cuz we're not Ashkenazi recipes. Nice. I see some drinks there, too. I shouldn't copy like how many photos is too much in the email? Just put one. I think. Yeah, one. One really good one. Yeah, I also feel like um I think it's kind of I attacking their identity like Yeah, you're a bad chef. Yeah. Yeah, and I feel like women I don't know. My thing is like if they if they identify as being a good cook, then they're not going to resonate with this, even though they might be interested in a quick secret, you know, recipe that takes this fast and it's actually good for you. So, you're alienating those women. And then there's women who are like they're like, oh yeah, I know I'm not a good chef. I just want to do it fast, right? I don't really care. I just want to make something that people like, you know. So, it's like they don't need their cooking skills. I don't know. I might be wrong on that. Yeah, you don't want them you don't want this to depend on their cooking skills. That's the thing. You want them to be give them the gift of being thought of as a great cook whether they're good or not. Like maybe maybe you just don't have time to prepare your best meal or maybe you can't even cook anything like either way, we're going to make you look like a star. Just steal these recipes. Like uh like this world famous, you know. I don't know, something like you could you could center it around like this [ __ ] pumpkin pie recipe, you know? Did something and then it's like whatever, you can talk about how great the pumpkin pie is, show a picture and be like, "Oh, best of all, it only takes 1 minute." Or, you know, probably not 1 minute, but it only takes this much time, right? Even if you have no skill, it's going to do blah blah blah. Um That's the best pumpkin pie I've ever tasted my Yeah, a lot of these I mean, for these it's like lean on a specific food type. So, I put all that also here, like lean on one specific food that people like that's very savory, like chocolate, blah blah blah. I might also do if it's Black Friday, I might also do, well, it's a Black Friday. So. Yeah. The email's going out on uh Black Friday, though? Well, it doesn't matter. This is not even real, right? We're just So, we could send it out like ahead of time. Yeah, in which case you'd have to you you would play around with like pre-Black Friday or something like that. Yeah. And then, you know, a big one is like turkey, right? Like 15 of the most delicious turkey recipes you've ever seen, right? 15 delicious turkey recipes that take less than right? Take less than 1 hour each. My mother-in-law laughed when I brought out that big pumpkin pie. But when she took a bite When she took a bite Yeah. Uh was that helpful, Stephen? Uh what you said made total sense. I kind of missed both uh both groups, those who are good chefs and those who are bad chefs. I left holes in both sides, so I should have picked one. So, thank you very much. It was amazing. You can make it like you can hint that they're not having to be a good chef without having to like make them feel bad about it. Like it's in their mind they probably want to think of themselves like oh yeah if I had the time to sit around and cook all day I'd be good too, right? But you have a million other things to do. So, like you take the blame off their take the blame away from them. I feel that's my problem in general. I kind of tell people that they are stupid in the coffee and that probably No, no really. So, I need to tone that down. You want to like Yeah, you want to do the opposite. You want to start flattering all people. People love Yeah, start lying. You got to lie some more. No, flattery goes a long long ways. Okay. Helpful? Cool. All right. Good. Shahid, here we go. I wrote this as a rookie who had never been trained on how to write a sales letter. I didn't even know how to swipe sales letters. I watched YouTube video to get me a format and then got writing. Good, I like the initiative. I did all the research and the writing on the same day because the client wanted a quick turnaround time. Brilliant, this is going to be I can tell that you're set up for success. No training, one day. Let's go. But I love I love the the initiative. Let's see. I want to show you guys my first sales letter ever too. It's so horrible. I'm going to find it. Okay. Warning, don't read this if you're not interested in boosting We got to fix some of the formatting things. Top writing change is not sales writing. Okay. Not interesting. I mean, right away like it's probably too sensational, you know, we got exclamation points and if we're talking to professionals you know Yeah, it's going to look spammy like Yeah, it looks spammy. This is just Mario, what's your take on this cuz I was giving feedback to somebody on this. I think Tamara actually, I don't know if she's still here. Where it's like you want to use technical language to make them feel like you're in but even if it is like a smart audience like these people you still you don't need to use all these huge words, you know? You want to throw them a little bait every now and then like to let them know you understand their language but you don't want to keep like hammering them over the head with their language. Cuz at the end of the day they're still people who want They don't They don't want to If they're dealing with all that like talking like this all freaking day long, they're probably exhausted by the time they're doing other stuff, right? Exactly. They want simple language and if you're just throwing a few buzzwords, season to taste so they know that you know what you're talking about. Um But how do you prove the long-term survivability? So what are we actually promising here like in simple terms? So basically in simple terms it's um saving you money on your taxes, basically. Like you like figuring out ways in which your business is wasting money, um leaking money, uh spending too much money on certain things. Um so that like you have more money to spend on other things. It's basically like identifying ways in which you're wasting money. Through taxes, through um expenses, um through whatever. But that's basically, yeah, that's that's basically what the service is. And who who is it specifically? Um they were called AGF Business Consulting. I can't remember right now what they were called. is this is to um this is to Who's the audience? Oh, um the audience is any business, any small business. But it says medical practice, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry. Um uh any medical practice specifically. I think this is the that was that was that's what this was targeted at. What are they How would they identify themselves? Um Uh let me check quickly. Um I think I do explain it uh lower down into So, I I wrote this a year ago. Um I'm just trying to remember. No worries. So, you have you have a couple options. Either So, you're basically saying we're going to boost profits, right? Like boost profits by 40%. That's your promise, right? Without needing to bring in a single new patient, too. That's pretty good. Right about where you Yeah, without needing without bringing in a without a single new patient. Okay, so like basically, when I'm looking at this, the first thing is like I want to make sure we're calling out the audience, which you kind of do up here, but I would just do like maybe like, you know, attention, like whatever in the eyebrow. And I do something like that. All right. Now, this is not the best headline in the world, but Use this idea is like we're giving a very simple benefit, very simple promise. I don't like 40% cuz even that's sort of abstract, boost profits, but it's a lot better than improving long-term survivability of your business. Right? This is a more straightforward benefit, but I still think we can make it stronger. And then your option is how are you going to do that? If you're listing all these different things, it's too much for people to process. So, either you need to bundle all of these into one simple process or system, right? Like you know, the I don't know. The something something system, you have to figure it out. Right? You could bundle all those together, or you could talk about, you know, the four ways, you know, four ways to do this. That's not my favorite cuz I think it's better to have one promise, or you just pick the one that's most interesting, which might be like federal tax incentives, which you could call like a, you know, tax legal loophole. Again, legal loophole's been done a lot. With a market like this that's not very sophisticated, it'd probably be okay with some massaging, but that's where I would focus on. You have a federal thing there. So, you can make it like a new government thing like we do in solar all time. So, basically like um you guys spoke about the big idea the other day. So, basically take all these um methods and give it one big idea name. Right. Like you have you know the promise that you have is boosting profits by 40%. So, what what is going to actually deliver the promise for them? They don't want like a bunch of disjointed, disconnected tips, right? They want like you to come in and implement one thing that ideally you give like a name to so it sounds like something legit. And that that one process is going to get them the results that you promised. Yeah, something like um uh using our golden system. I mean, that's not a good one. Or like the AGF golden system. Yeah, that's a good example. Right, exactly. Yeah, that's a good example. We can make it stronger, but that's by reducing costs. Yeah. Um also, your formatting it This is weird. If you turn this into a client, they're going to judge you based on the fact that we have extra spaces here, right? Like here we have two spaces, here we have one space. This should be It makes you look like you copy and paste this [ __ ] from like a bunch of different documents. It just doesn't look It doesn't look good to look at. Like make the formatting cleaner. Yeah. And consistent. Consistent spacing. This shouldn't be gray, it should be black, same font. Um yeah. Make it look a little more professional thing. I know you wrote this a year ago, but um The writing doesn't look that off from what I've seen you do. No, it doesn't. I wouldn't start with something like be honest cuz again, you especially if you're dealing with professionals, like Yeah, they don't even know you and you're already telling them to be honest. Be honest. Yeah, they're they're going to Yeah, but they're Especially if you're talking about taxes and [ __ ] they're going to think you're getting like audited or something. Yeah. Um Let me tell you a federal loophole that's going to help you eliminate your taxes. Be honest. Did you even pay your taxes last year? It's like it's like a accusatory. Yeah. Yeah. So, obviously we can't go through line by line, but hopefully Does that make sense? Is that helpful? But I think like the fact that you got that big idea concept already, you're going to do good. Yeah. Definitely. We're going to take you to become the copywriting man. No more shall you be the copywriting kid. You're going to be Yeah. Yeah, I'll be known as the copywriting man. This was super helpful. Thank you. This time next year you're going to be teaching everyone Shaheed's golden copywriting system. Yeah. Yeah, go through copy purity. You'll be set. All right. It'll be like Karate Kid, but like the copywriting master. It would be like the whole graduation. Yeah. That's Genesis for you. It's a beginning, so. Who's next? Forest again. Student student Forest. He submits one from every phase and he passes them. Okay, we got Ivan. This is a VSL as part of a quiz funnel I'm writing for the law of attraction niche. Love it. It's going to be translated into Romanian, so there may be some awkward word choices. I may just make it sound simple. Fair? Quiz features questions that ask them what their prayer block is that is blocking their prayers from being answered. It's a documentary type VSL that has the God's law and your personal God connection. The VSL sells a book. The UMP is that you keep breaking these laws even if you go to church, live like a saint. So, it's like Christian law of attraction? Yeah. Yeah, so basically um this client is like selling a book on like basically the law of attraction and you know, the universal laws, which here we um we rename them as God's laws. And the idea is since Romania is the most religious country in Europe, um like we don't want to, you know, go straight into like law of attraction. Um We kind of want to connect that with, you know, their traditional beliefs, but kind of like uh Got it. Um yeah. So, everyone there though is basically the same religion, right? Yeah, mostly like Christian Orthodox Christians. Yeah. Um If you tell them this right away, you got to ease their anxiety a little more after you broke one of God's laws. I know that sounds scary, but it's okay. Most people broke Most people have broken one of these laws without even knowing, right? And it manifests in in a blocked prayer, but luckily you arrived to this minute and the next 5 minutes I'm going to show you how to break this prayer block once and for all, and you realize how you can achieve exactly what you wish for. So, massage a little bit of that. Yeah, you want to make it like not something that they did wrong and get them I like that. Like, you broke one of God's laws. It's like, "Oh, shit." But, then you need to like you need to bring them back so they're not scared. You can't just be like, "You broke one of God's laws." And then just leave them They'd be like, "What? Okay." Yeah, it's just pretty difficult for me to write. I don't know. I'm like not the most religious person, so um Where are you from? I'm from Macedonia. It's like the Balkans. Yeah. Um my other question is like cuz when you bring God into it, so what Let's let's ask. What religion I know that's not really how you That's not a real question, but Christianity, um Romanian Orthodox Christians. Uh 80 So, yeah. So, the thing is like who is the authority figure here? If you're talking about it like Um is the church, right? The priests. Yeah, so if you're The thing is like cuz I was raised as Christian, not as a Romanian Orthodox, but like archbishop. They're going to want to know who if if someone I I imagine if it's an Orthodox community, the way that a lot of these people are trained is like Like for example, if you're a fundamentalist, you believe that the Bible is the authority, so you can just lean on saying here's something in the Bible that you never saw before. But for a lot of Orthodox people and Catholic, the authority is in the hierarchy. So, it needs So, they're not going to accept a truth about the Bible or about God unless it comes from an authority figure. That's my I don't know 100% cuz I haven't done research, but that's my intuition. So, you got to make sure that there's um that's clear, you know. Yeah. Um yeah, makes sense. Even the client said that um So, yeah, if that's the case, then you can find like a quote from Daniel the First or whatever, the guy who's leading them now. Um So, yeah, the the big big idea here is like I watched this documentary and like uh it's well researched. There are these um Gnostic Gospels. Um there some consider them the missing um scriptures from the Bible, you know, there's the Gospel of Thomas, the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, the Gospel of Peter. And I kind of I'm trying to tie that in with the law of attraction, right? Because in those Gospels, they say something different. So, um the uh you have to read this to, you know, have the context, but the emperor, like in the 4th century, he kind of banned some scriptures, and he only chose those that serve him. You know, I'm going for kind of attack the enemy kind of angle. Um Yeah. The problem The problem is like you're undermining a really key Most Christians don't believe in the Gnostic texts. Again, I don't know about Romanian Christians. If they're sort of like if they're sort of like quasi they're not super serious about it, they might be interested, and you'll get some of the people. But a lot of the people are going to be like, "Oh, that's not canonical." Like Mhm. So, if if you were able to rephrase this by saying these were scriptures that were originally in the canonical texts, but they got left out. But if you're basically trying to say you know, the Council of Nicaea was some conspiracy against you, that's a big burden of You need a huge burden of proof, right? Right. Um, cuz like that's fundamental. Some people are interested Some people like if this was a to a a complete Again, I don't know. I have to think about it. Cuz if it's to a completely like spiritual law of attraction audience, you could talk about this stuff because they don't have any investment. But if they're invested in Christianity and believe it, you're asking them to do a lot. Um You want to make it lost by like accident versus like some conspiracy thing, right? Like these things Um, no. I actually just read this from the Discovery Channel documentary. It was like It was real. Like this actually happened, but uh it's controversial because some people think that those like uh texts are were written by, you know, you know, it's like heresy. It's like um But some people like believe that they were you know really written by the apostles, right? So The thing is you're hinging everything on whether or not they believe that. You know? And I'm not saying that you can't convince them of it. I'm just saying it's a risk. And is it necessary Is it a necessary risk to take? Yeah. Which I know sucks cuz you already you already wrote a lot. Um I personally wouldn't wouldn't do that. Unless I was 100% certain I could I could convince them or they weren't that serious, but And has it written though they could test it. Yeah. You just tell the client like this might be risky, but if it works it's going to work really well, so Like test that and we'll do something safer too like tone it down. But what if it works and then we I don't want to cut it if it if they're happy to test it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. So basically he talks about seeing it in the book and um he ran some previous VSLs with kind of this kind of like uh angle like the you know the law of attraction like God is not like some old guy above like judging your every like move, but he's actually inside you and that did really well. So um I don't know like if they're open So they are open to like challenging the traditional. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. one idea I might one idea I might put it Sorry not to cut you off. One idea I might put in there that I think is powerful is like uh most people only know about the four Gospels, the Gospel of Mark, Matthew, Luke, and John. These were These were four of the 12 disciples. But what about the other eight disciples, right? After all Jesus commissioned everybody to go out and spread the word of God, right? So does it make sense that only four of the disciples ended up writing a Gospel when everyone else was commanded to? No, it doesn't. In fact, all eight other disciples have written Gospels as well. You just never heard about them, right? And what's crazy is like if you it's like basically you're missing these these links, you know? Um, the missing links. Each one of the Gospels talks specifically about prayer. I know you already have that in here, right? Matthew says this, Mark says this, Luke says this. Those are all key elements to having all your prayers answered, but if you're missing the other elements, you won't be able to answer it, right? So, here's exactly what these these Gospels say about it, blah blah blah blah blah. Mhm. Right? And then And then what I would do is I would just I would kind of cover my bases by saying um it's you're basically like sometimes in copy you say one thing and do something else. Um but like basically what I would do is I would lead with that and then as I'm talking about like the Gospel of Thomas for instance and going through it, then and I would talk about how what they say about prayer and the missing link. And then I'd be like, you know, some people think the Gospel of Thomas is blah blah blah, but as you can see what he says about it is also found elsewhere in the Bible, right? And then quote, you know, Deuteronomy or something. And it's like, oh, it's it's already in the Bible itself. So, even if they don't you you kind of take the excuse even if they don't believe in the Gospel of Thomas, they can believe in the message because it's found elsewhere in the Bible. Um and then you can kind of leave it open. Like, I don't know, some people say it's like this, but like regardless knowing this piece makes it work. And then you talk about I like people who follow that those lost Gospels are getting like all these crazy results in their life right now. So, you're not even having to make the claim. It's like, well it would make sense why all these people who are like who think they're following God's law aren't getting the life that he wanted them to have, but these people who are doing a different like following this different message are crushing it right now. Yeah. I mean, I used the the uh spokes person like the guru story and plus some testimonials, like below. It's really legit, right? Um And I I really like like Luke's angle. I'm going for something similar here, but like you said, I need to link it better to like what they already believe, like leave some room for a doubt. Yeah, I mean, I got it from your puppy right here, right? So, it's in here, but I think you delete I think just being more explicit about that is is interesting. It's like, well, there's 12 there's 12 apostles, four of them wrote a gospel. We We live and breathe by those gospels, but what about the other eight? The other eight was stuck in The other eight was stuck in student mode. They decided never to write anything. You know, we're all [ __ ] They just hand copied everyone else's gospel. Yeah. Um Yeah. Um Uh there's more for us to read, of course, but hopefully some of that's helpful. It looks good, though. Yeah, yeah, for sure. It's good. really interesting to me, too. Yeah, it does. Yeah. I can send you the link once it's finished, so you can check it out if you want. Sounds these calls. Yeah. All right, I think we have time for one more. So, let's see. And here we go. [ __ ] this is the same one we looked at, right, before? Did you make any changes to it? Uh you the same info product, but landing is changed and the ads is new. The ads they're all new, okay. Um I don't know why it's not translating for me. Are you able to translate yours? Maya? Let me check real quick. I've a million. What do you want us to look at? The The The ads or the landing page? Yeah, the ads. Okay, we'll look at the ads. Have you tested stuff around the cesarean angle or cesarean stuff before? Yeah, yes, I test the the angle of cesarean Facebook ads go well. It went well? Yes. Okay. So, what is the actual product again? It's a info product for pregnancy woman. So, info product for pregnant women, but what is like the promise of it? Yeah, I Wait. Wait a minute. So, it's for women that are pregnant and it's promising like helping them have a a smooth pregnancy. It's like they're don't have stress. Yeah, look. Yeah, I remember that. My The only thing I see missing, so I would be if you said the cesarean section worked in the past, then it's cool. Um then you can test it. My first thing would be like, I don't know. I guess it's good. It kind of scares the [ __ ] out of them. Um but I think the tree you need to have a transition between um you need to have an explanation that the reason people have cesareans is because of too much stress or whatever, and that doesn't have to be that way. Most women just don't know how, and then I'm going to show you how. That's what I think is missing here. Cuz it's like they never told me that it would have immediate effects. Um but thanks to this, my second ones were were beautiful and even painless. It's like we're missing the explanation of why the C-section was caused by stress, and that if you can give a specific kind of stress or a specific like name to the stress or the type of stress, and then most women don't know how to do that, but once you know those the way, you can have an easy and painless pregnancy and avoid C-sections. Yeah. Which could harm your baby. Same thing with this one, like we're missing that connection right here. And that connection here. Does that make sense? it's about like preparing yourself for a smooth healthy child birth. More proof about the the effect of the cesarean, right? Not even proof, you just need to have a connecting sentence that literally just explains It's like what you're trying to say, your your bullets, your beats are C-sections are really bad, right? Then you need to have one that says C-sections are caused by too much of this one kind of stress, right? Most women don't know how to do defeat this one kind of stress, but it's easy. I'm going to show you how. Those are the four beats you need to hit, and you're spending a lot of time on on this, which is cool. I mean even the first sentence, even the first line there, instead of like I thought you can make it like they told me doing a cesarean C-section would be safe for my baby, but like it turned out that it actually harmed them. But it wasn't. people that are like worried about getting talked into a C-section, right? And they want they're they're they're trying to avoid that, so they want to buy this product, right? Yeah, they told me a C-section was normal, healthy even, but it wasn't. My first baby boy came, you know, was delivered by C-section and had this problem this problem this problem. Right. Right? So many other women suffer from the same thing. Right? But what they don't know is that C-sections are caused by too much of this one type of stress. Right? It does this and this and this, like give an explanation for why it leads to C-sections. Right? Luckily, it's pretty easy to avoid if you know how. Right? And I'm going to inside of a short video I'm going to just explain how blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah. Okay, thank you. Cool. All right, it's pretty good. I'm going to note um Sorry to those who we didn't get to, but we'll try to um You might have different copy that you want us to look at, but I'll make a note of this and we'll try to give you priority next time. Um Yeah, we'll move you guys to the top. Yeah. And uh yeah. That's it. I think we did pretty good. How many did we get through? 13? Yeah, not bad. Not bad. Okay. All right. So hopefully this helped was helpful. Hopefully it was fun also. Good. Yeah, I think these I think these calls are great. If I was if I was in your position I'd I'd come to these. This is my favorite part of this whole thing, so. Yeah. It's always cool to see everything in action and all the nuances and stuff. All right, cool. Awesome. Awesome, everyone. Talk to you soon. Ciao. Bye.