Supportive and Defensive Climates from Jack Gibb

Key Takeaways

we're going to be talking about defensive versus supportive communication climates by jack gibb and as we go through these six pairings of communication approaches i would like to use this as a checklist for yourself see how you compare and contrast are you mostly communicating in supportive ways or mostly in defensive ways especially in groups and we are working out of bb and masterson's book on communicating in small groups i'll put a link to that in the description below this video so let's get into the details so jack gibb was a social psychologist and he observed groups for several years and he noticed that certain types of people communicated either in ways that were supportive or defensive in their group situations in other words defensive climates were counterproductive because people would spend time defending themselves and wrestling with other people in the conversation rather than advancing the group's goals so it was a big distraction and it threw people and the groups off course on the other side of the coin jack gibb noticed that some people communicated in supportive ways that cultivated a supportive group climate that allowed the group to progress and focus on the task at hand and there are six pairings of these they are opposite sides of a continuum the first pairing is evaluation versus description evaluation is where we use you language that is aimed at critiquing the other person or critiquing their ideas you might hear people say you're wrong about that or they come after the idea they might say that's a ridiculous idea here we're evaluating the other person or their ideas and of course that's going to make them feel as if they have to defend themselves in contrast we want to use description where we use i language that focuses on the speaker's thoughts and ideas so your own ideas are what you're focusing on you're not pointing the finger with you you you're saying i and that really lowers the temperature in the room so you might say i'm not understanding yet can you tell me more or i see the situation from a different angle this is where by taking on the responsibility of your interpretation of your point of view you're not asking the person to defend themselves or their ideas in fact there's a whole informal area in communication studies and certainly out there in professional development they talk about using i language and it's grounded in jack gibbs first pairing u language which is evaluation or i language which is description the second appearing is control versus problem orientation so some people really aim to control others or force the issue with their communication they might say for example don't be difficult just do it this way and let's move on so they're trying to push the other people in the group by saying hey you're being difficult and that's like a power move a controlling move you might have someone say well unfortunately we have no choice they're trying to block things off and make you go in the direction that they want to go in fact i had a supervisor years ago who routinely used to say things like that unfortunately we have no choice when really there were choices the supervisor was just trying to control and did so in a variety of ways so on the other side of the coin is where communication is problem oriented and genuinely aims to solve a problem for the group's benefit so the word problem of course sounds like oh there being a problem but what it means is their communication is focused on solving the problem they're not aimed at controlling the other person you're coming shoulder to shoulder with the other communicators in the group and you're trying to work on solving the problem so you hear people say let's brainstorm some ideas or what do you think of this direction they're trying to work on the problem and that becomes the focus of the conversation that brings the temperature down in the room and is more supportive communication the third pairing is using strategy versus being spontaneous so some people communicate in very staged or scripted or strategic ways that's often very self-serving and it's meant to put the other communicators in the group on the defensive or at a disadvantage so some people will deliberately pitch a fit as the expression goes they act very upset in a calculated way often this is pre-planned or some kind of dramatic reaction and they're going for a reaction from the group to in way because they're being strategic they're trying to get the group to to steer the group toward their desired direction or outcome that's strategic now you see this in politics all the time but you also see it in office politics where people will react like this to put the other people off balance instead supportive communication is spontaneous and those reactions are often more genuine and honest and don't try to hide some alternate agenda so you want to be more spontaneous and react at the moment don't try to pre-plan how you're going to react it's going to come across the wrong way and create more defensiveness the fourth pairing is neutrality and empathy so the word neutral to me on its face sounds okay but what we mean is acting indifferent neutral or detached when really we should be demonstrating some care so we're not caring when we should so people might say well that doesn't matter or what's that have to do with me in fact i know somebody personally who if the conversation is drifting in a direction that they don't see themselves in they will say allah what's that got to do with me and that can really that can really increase tension in the group because it's acting very neutral like they just don't care about the opinions and what's going on with the other people in the group so what you want to do is be empathetic and this is where you're interested and you demonstrate that you care about others you might say things like i hear you and while you're talking to people and they're you're listening to them talk you make good eye contact you show that you're listening well that's empathetic communication and that will create a supportive group climate the next pairing is superiority versus equality you don't want to act superior to others it's going to put them off so some communication does attempt to position the speaker as better than or superior to other people they use words like obviously this is the best direction or this is my area so i know again this is kind of a power move trying to say look i'm the one who knows best so you should listen to me not the rest of the people in the group that's going to turn other people off it's going to increase the temperature in the room and make it more defensive what you want to do instead is demonstrate equality we don't like people to put us in our place we want to feel like we're equal like we're on par with others in our value so you hear people who are communicating equally say things like all points of view are valuable or i respect that point of view that's how that sounds and the final pairing certainty versus provisionalism it's important to have a point of view we'll give you that however you don't want to sound overly rigid and communicate with too much certainty because that can come across as is if you're trying to push people to take sides on an issue so i've heard people say things like i'm not going to change my mind and that can really like whoa where are we going with this it sounds like you're about to have a huge argument and every once in a while of course you have to have a point of view and you have to stick to your guns sometimes but if this is the norm for a communicator where they're very certain and overly rigid about everything they say it's going to create some hostility in the group instead what we want to do is communicate with more provisionalism be flexible or open in the way you talk to other people you might literally hear people say that word they might say i'm open to hearing more of your thinking on them that openness communicates much more supportive tone in the room and other people will join the conversation and feel like they're welcome in it so some key points here as a member or a leader in groups it's important to be aware of your communication choices your behavior can influence the communication climate for better or for worse in predictable ways if you communicate in these defensive ways that's the result you're going to get and if you communicate in more supportive ways that will be the direction that the group goes and so ideally your group conversations should be woven with supportive communication so question of the day as you look at these six pairings which side do you lean do you find yourself and hear yourself communicating in ways that will create a more defensive climate or do you generally communicate in more supportive ways i would love to hear your confession and your point of view on yourself using this information in that comment section below i look forward to reading that take care see you soon