Feedback

Key Takeaways

when i suggest to a group of managers that feedback is important they all nod wisely in agreements good so i ask for their feedback tips and they trot out all the guidelines for giving feedback that you can find on loads of websites these include choose a good time and place describe the observed behavior and its impact on you check the feedback has been received and can be acted upon and follow up a week later then someone remembers positive feedback which is giving feedback on something you like and appreciate as opposed to negative or as it's often called constructive feedback which is on something you'd like to see changed that leads to debate on how much positive feedback you should give for each piece of constructive feedback three positives for each constructive or six or ten then someone suggests the negi sandwich of positive point constructive point positive point as if the only time you'd give positive feedback is when you have some constructive feedback to give and you want to sweeten the pill hey today why not give feedback in the ratio of several positive points to zero constructive points well these guidelines for giving feedback are all great but if feedback's so important for everyone why does everyone only offer feedback guidelines on giving the stuff surely an equal priority should be guidelines for getting the feedback you need your manager is supposed to give you feedback but most managers don't like giving it and some never do if you just ask got any feedback for me that's too broad and blunt so use the feedback seeking question which is if there was one thing i could be doing better or differently in a way which would help what would that one thing be by asking specifically for one piece of constructive feedback you're making it easier for a manager or whoever you choose to ask to tell you something useful choose a good moment and ask the question of someone you trust encourage others to ask the feedback seeking question of those they deal with you can ask your team members the question but remember they'll be wary at first until you've demonstrated that you really mean it and value and act on their replies because people will stop giving you feedback pretty fast if you reject it there are all sorts of feedback rejection techniques recognize any of these first is give me an example what do you mean i can be abrupt sometimes give me a specific example what oh but that day my cat was ill i was upset you can't count that give me another example second is shocked outrage what no one's told me that before yeah well they're telling you now people being wary of giving you feedback is the strongest piece of feedback you'll get third is what about jim you say i need to improve but jim's far worse yes but we're not discussing jim now there's more if you tell someone he's been causing upset a common reaction is if she's got a problem with me she should come and tell me herself to my face that's what i'd do oh i bet he wouldn't finally there's yes other people have given me that feedback before if you've had the feedback before and not acted on it not a point in continuing to give you feedback is there don't ask for feedback unless you're prepared to listen and act on it when you ask someone the feedback seeking question hear them out don't react immediately thank them and take time to reflect on what you've heard you can also ask for what you're doing well to get the positive feedback so that's feedback give positive feedback even when you have zero constructive points use the feedback seeking question and don't use feedback rejection techniques